Young Writers Society

This is an incomplete work-in-progress. I haven't finished these lyrics, but please let me know what you think of what I have so far. =) I've written these in the lyrical style of Florence Welch (vivid imagery and allusions), and if you're wondering who she is, this is her.

I had a date with Time
and she's a wicked one to please
she drags through every day
with comfort and with ease

But I haven't the patience
to carry on such an affair
she never quickens her step
'cause she hasn't a care

I don't want to wait anymore
but I will wait for you
I don't want to sleep anymore
but I long for dreams of you

We've got Time against us
and you can't ask her to change
But time is time, in essence
and days go by anyway

Hey! It's me Shadowhunter, and I don't usually review lyrics, but I thought I'd read this, and I'm glad I did!
I know who FLorence Welch is even though the only song of hers I've heard is Dog Days are Over (although my friend has the album and adores it) but I can still see how these lyrics are influenced by her.
So this was really good! You had a strong start and this strength carried on throughout - my favourite parts were the beginning

I had a date with Time
and she's a wicked one to please
she drags through every day
with comfort and with ease

and the very end (of what you've done so far)

But time is time, in essence
and days go by anyway

This is pretty much perfect the way it is! You should definitely continue
P.S. You like Evanescence?! I LOVE them! Is there new album out yet?

Thanks for the review! ^__^

This is pretty much perfect the way it is! You should definitely continue
P.S. You like Evanescence?! I LOVE them! Is there new album out yet?

It comes out tomorrow if you live in the U.S.!! I'm gonna die of happiness. xD

This was excellent! Great job! The only thing I want to point out is that the rhythm and beat of the lyrics go along smoothly except for the second stanza. Well, it may just be me because the rest of the lyrics are just absolutely gorgeous. *applauds* Keep up the awesome work!

I, too, also love Evanescence. :3

~Disenchanted. Out.

Hello!

I have very little experience with lyrics, so bear with me. ^_^

I had a date with Time
and she's a wicked one to please
she drags through every day
with comfort and with ease

I like this opening and the personification of Time, but some of your wording is contradictory. You say Time “drags” through each day, which brings to mind boredom and negativity, but then you say she does it “with comfort and with ease”, so I’m not sure what image I’m meant to get from this, negative or positive.

But I haven't the patience
to carry on such an affair
she never quickens her step
'cause she hasn't a care

This stanza didn’t fit with the rest of the rhythm. I read the whole thing out loud, and the first stanza had a great rhythm, but this one didn’t fit at all. Especially the last line.

I don't want to wait anymore
but I will wait for you
I don't want to sleep anymore
but I long for dreams of you

Ahh... Roy Orbison. XD

We've got Time against us
and you can't ask her to change
But time is time, in essence
and days go by anyway

The last two lines don’t fit very well, rhythm-wise.

---
Dude, seriously, no punctuation at all? I mean, your meaning’s pretty clear anyway, but dude, punctuation!

Apart from the rhythm and getting all the lines to fit, I have very little negative to say about this. I like the personification of Time, how she seems almost like a jealous woman, working against the lovers.

-twit