Young Writers Society

Some time ago they said his mind was turned off
As if explaining the simplistic way of artificial breath
could soothe the soul
I wonder what this man does with his free time
And how the hell does he just lay there all day long amongst the hissing
and forced control?

...oh yeah, his mind's been turned off
(mechanical rape)

Die, die
It's time for you to...
Die, die
Oh, please will you just...
Die, die?
Can you hear me?

I replace his food bag and remove his clothes
And sponge bathe this leech to the rhythm of compulsive obligation
Within my mind
Life's no longer free and death can be denied
They pay the bill for the bed he fills to waste my time pretending he's
not left behind

...No thank you? Oh yeah, mind's off
(mechanical rape)

Die, die
Oh, why can't you just...
Die, die
Do not you want to...
Die, die?

Die, die
I think it's time to...
Die, die
Don't be shy, just...
Die, die
Can't you hear me?

I drink to the point where I believe I can give you death
I drink to the point that I believe I can free you and I
Wouldn't it be nice to lay in the grave dug by sweet Death?
It would be nice to finally get the chance to say good-bye
But it's not a possibility
For you're my responsibility
...responsibility

...It's hell, his mind's been turned off
(mechanical rape)

It's time for you to...
Oh, please will you just...
(Can you hear me?)
Oh, why can't you just...
Do not you want to...
(Can't you hear me?)
Die

Die, die, die, die
(It's time that you...)
Die, die, die, die.
(Oh, please won't you...)
Die, die, die, die

I thought I'd be a rebel and ignore the "18 plus" warning. This is really powerful and intense, well done... I mean it seriously, like it dirupted my breathing pattern it was that intense. The way you've written it really gives it a sinister quality , for example using the word hissing... the language and metaphors are brilliantly dark. I love the beginning verse. Than the whole song becomes a lot less wordy and more fragmented but I love that it does, its like the horror makes it impossible to get into any more words than die, die, die. The "..."'s are brilliant- they're like gasps so if you can get them into verbal side if your song that would be great. To be honest the whole meaning behind this song is a bit confusing but thats ok! The choruses are spine chilling and breathtaking- it just shows that sometimes pure emotion can serve better than flowery poetic songs- its so raw! I love the way the second last chorus is the same except for the "die" part which leaves you thinking the word "die" in your head which really gets the reader involved. I reckon you could make this longer hut it kind of looks like a massive hole you might.not want to delve into again. All I can say is hope everything ok. But seriously this song really gets across your emotions so well done!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! - Rachel

Just adding to that I absolutely.love the " do not you want to "

I drink to the point that I believe I can free you and I
Wouldn't it be nice to lay in the grave dug by sweet Death?

The "I" at the end of the first line looks like a wild one there. I think it might have escaped from another's writing. You should probably cull it and find its original owner or something.

But wow. These lyrics are powerful. I thought the "die, die" repetition would get old when I initially glance at this, but they weren't. They really added a lot to the rhythm and the tone, and they really worked.

I wish there were more lyrics this good to be found because these were excellent. The rhythm was so strong and the lyrics themselves were unique and descriptive without being overly obscure, and it all combines to make this a great piece of writing. It doesn't even need music, in my opinion.