Young Writers Society

Sitting on a dock together,
throwing pebbles in the water,
I watch the ripples spread.
Wond'ring who I want to be
to make the change I want to see
but questions fill my head.

Why do ripples fade away?
And what am I supposed to say?
And can we find a peaceful way
to coexist on planet Earth?
When will some folks learn to play?
And will I have a happy day?
And why do people have to pay
for knowing that they're worth something more....

Sitting on this dock together,
throwing pebbles in the water,
think I understand.
Wond'ring who I want to be
to make the change I want to see
with answers in my hand.

The ripples never fade away
and all that I"m supposed to say is
"I know I can find a way to
live my life on planet Earth.
"I can teach you how to play,
create myself a happy day
and it's okay for me to pay
for someone else to know that they're worth

Something. More.

Ripples never fade away....

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Interesting song. It seems sort of basic, but it has a steady meaning, a sort of--relaxed quality. I rather like it, I suppose, though I'm not the one to ask. I listen to Death Cab, R.E.M., and The National. My version of lyrics is different than most.

I suggest using more varied words, looking for things that make people think. Maybe go outside and write down the first word you think of when you see something--use it as symbolism later; read the lyrics to songs you think you'd never like; look up older music, maybe even listen to classical music--or disco or polka; or perhaps base the song around a character in a book, movie, or show you like, or a more personal situation. You paint a good picture, but it's a lake when you could have an ocean.

Small suggestions.

Otherwise, the grammar looked fine (from what my cold-addled brain could see), the message was clear, and the voice easy to follow. It didn't leave me thinking, but it left me relaxed--made me think of rain falling.

Keep writing.

Hello,
I think the lyrics already make you think. You're posing questions, not just telling a story like some songs do. I especially like the ending. I'm not sure, though, that it fit right with the rest. When ripples are applied to humans, it usually means rebels. So, how I understand it, you're talking about rebels fading away and failing to obtain peace. Then, at the end, you're talking about showing someone how important he/she is. Do you see what I'm saying?

McMourning

Hi there.
This is really cute, and I like how you have linked the verses together so the first time you’re unsure and then when it comes round to the next time you know what you’re going to say, I like that.
I flowed nicely and I was trying to sing it in my head!

I haven’t really got much else to say so sorry if this wasn’t all that helpful!
Keep writing
Chels

Hello, Sare!

You've got a very neat song, and it's cool how you've used questions to tell the message moreso than stories or such. It kind of gets the listeners to think too, and that's a good sign. Roping your listeners in!

for knowing that they're worth something more....

I thought this line seemed too long to fit with the rest of the stanza/chorus it was in. It probably sounds fine with the music though, so this comment might be null and void. A line like "for knowing that they've some worth" or some such would fight in rhythmically better, and it would rhyme with Earth, but. Something to look at!

When I think of ripples, I think of a ripple effect? One ripple causes another ripple which causes another, etc. Your song kinda played with that idea, so that's good. But I think it got a bit confusing as to what exactly your message is. I've looked at it and studied as much as I can to try to straighten my thoughts out on it, but I'm still not sure where the song is going and if the listener is really getting the full effect. The speaker figures out that they can be the change they want to see, and that's an awesome message.

So the song starts out with the ripples metaphorically fading away, which is a backwards concept of the ripple effect I mentioned earlier. Maybe that's what's confusing me. That new idea isn't quite as clear as it could be? The idea that even though a ripple can create new ones, all ripples will eventually fade away and leave no mark in history. I'd like to see that idea tie in more with the end of the song where the ripple effect is actually realized to be a good thing too. If that makes any lick of sense. xD

But really, it's probably nothing to worry about much. I could just be pulling things out of air, but that's what I noticed! I think what you have is well written though and very fun to read. I liked the imagery you used here, and the questions were certainly an awesome effect for your piece! Great job!

Keep writing!

Jabber, the One and Only!