Young Writers Society

Boom!!!
Comes verbal gunshots ripping holes in my heart
I rarely took the chance to just get out of the way
I give more subtle reasons to go and tear this apart
when I don't give heed to the fucking bullshit you say

~Chorus~
I never learn
I never learn
Every chance that I take
Comes a mistake I create
I never learn

...I never learn

Eyes that are constantly watching me are judgements
Blink to rebuild myself but there's so much that is lacking
Count to ten, better not slip again, death grabs compliments
Gone astray, yield to none, the shit just keeps stacking

[chorus]

You and Her were so right for each other
(There wasn't so much constant bullshit)
You and Him were such perfect lovers
(There wasn't so much constant bullshit)
But you and Her decayed more and more
(There became so much constant bullshit)
And you and Him asked "What is this love for?"
(There became so much constant bullshit)

(Contstant bullshit)

(So much constant bullshit)

[Chorus]

Here I am, Here I go, there I went
Here I am, here I go, there I went
Here we are, here we go, there we went
Here we are, here we go, there we went

Of course I don't have the music that goes with it, but I have to say I'm not quite touched by your lyrics here.

I like the verses. Good vocabulary in that. Especially the second one with : "Count to ten, better not slip again." Your verses keep a fast pace, but it doesn't match with the rest of the lyrics.

Also, (from a guy that also wrote metal-lyrics, assuming this is for a metal song) The swearing you use doesn't seem neccesary. The vocabulary you use in the verses are descriptive enough to take the song seriously.

In short:
- In my opinion there is too much difference in the pace between chorus and verses. Sometimes the song asks for something like that but it doesn't in this one.

-I love the verses and the pace they set, right from the get-go you (as a reader/listener) are thrown in some kind of whirlpool, and you better like it! that is the feeling I got from it.

- the swearing could be a lot less. Try to change it with some catchy phrases.

Wow... alot of anger portrayed in these lyrics! I got the impression that you were speaking about someone you really loved but all the bullsh#t just messed up your relationship - you tried to ignore it because you wanted to be with her but there was so much of it that it couldn't be ignored... Am i correct? My favorite lines are 1 and 2 "Comes verbal gunshots ripping holes in my heart I rarely took the chance to just get out of the way"... This is a very angry song, feel free to pm me if you ever need to talk xxx

Another angry song?

Well this was still decent. The chorus I admit is the best part of it, and you manage to mix some dark and violent images very well, like the verbal gunshots, nice piece. But all in all I didn't get a sense of any rhythm and it felt more like a rant to me, the cursing didn't seem to fit the flow or style, despite the anger it just brings the piece down when used poorly.

That said it def has its moments and your songs get more and more interesting as i read them.
keep it up.