Young Writers Society

Okay, if you have any suggestions for an alternate title, I'm open. x3 Remember folks, grammar doesn't matter with lyrics. So. No corrections in THAT area. To answer before you ask, yes, I was ready to punch someone when I wrote this. Now, without further adieu...
~§~
Take your dullest words
And drive them through my chest
Take your weakest pleas
To tie around my throat
-
We all have something
We want to destroy
You think I'm your problem
Have you lost me yet?
-
Kick me, kick me
Twist and maim me
Don't bet I will
Let you hurt me
Kill me, kill me
Cut and burn me
See if it won't
Entertain me
-
Take your shallow needs
And make sure that I drown
Take your fragile beliefs
To crash over my head
-
We all have something
We want to protect
You think you'll be helping
But only when I've gone
-
Have you lost me yet?
Have you lost me yet?
-
Kick me, kick me
Twist and maim me
Don't bet I will
Let you hurt me
Kill me, kill me
Cut and burn me
See if it won't
Entertain me
-
I'm only a human
Who can bear so much
I can only take
So many beatings 'till I die
And a wounded corpse can't heal
-
I'm only a human
Who can bear so much
But I have the strength
That you wish you could have had
I've had the strength to stay so far
-
Kick me, kill me
Try to hurt me
I will never
Let you touch me
Hate me, love me
Say you're sorry
See if you have
Yet to lose me
-
Have you lost me yet?
Have you lost me yet?

Hummm.....

Well I can sense the turmoil. All and all it sounded like a medium paced rhythm (I have tune for it stuck in my head...I am humming it!).

I kinda....sorta... ehhh.. it was okay. (Not my style.)

It does flow well though!

Keep writing,
~FW~

I really like this . You said grammar doesn't matter but punctuation does right? Sorry if it doesn't.

Take your dullest words Comma
And drive them through my chest Period
Take your weakest pleas Comma
To tie around my throat Period
-
We all have something Comma
We want to destroy Period
You think I'm your problem Comma
Have you lost me yet?
-
Kick me, kick me Comma
Twist and maim me Period
Don't bet I will comma
Let you hurt me Period
Kill me, kill me Comma
Cut and burn me Period
See if it won't Comma
Entertain me Period
-
Take your shallow needs Comma
And make sure that I drown Period
Take your fragile beliefs Comma
To crash over my head Period
-
We all have something Comma
We want to protect Period
You think you'll be helping Comma
But only when I've gone Period
-
Have you lost me yet?
Have you lost me yet?
-
Kick me, kick me Comma
Twist and maim me Period
Don't bet I will Comma
Let you hurt me Period
Kill me, kill me Comma
Cut and burn me Period
See if it won't Comma
Entertain me Period
-
I'm only a human Comma
Who can bear so much Period
I can only take Comma
So many beatings 'till I die Period
And a wounded corpse can't heal Period
-
I'm only a human Comma
Who can bear so much Period
But I have the strength Comma
That you wish you could have had Period
I've had the strength to stay so far Period
-
Kick me, kill me Comma
Try to hurt me period
I will never comma
Let you touch me Period
Hate me, love me comma
Say you're sorry Period
See if you have comma
Yet to lose me period
-
Have you lost me yet?
Have you lost me yet?

I really like this! For a title maybe Have you lost me yet? I really enjoyed reading this . <3 dasiamari

Whoa, that was amazing!!!!

Punctuation goes with grammar, here; with lyrics, they're heard and not seen. I'll try the title though, thanks! xD

Thank you panda! :3

wow, this is really good! A bit depressing, but good nonetheless. I wish I could actually hear it! Awesome job!

This is really sick, Raz. ^-^ Do you sing or play guitar aside from writing song lyrics? Just curious. Yeah, I don't really review lyrics too often, but since this was in the review bin for our team I figured I'd try and give everything a shot. I was impressed by this! I use to have a friend who wrote songs, so I've been quite exposed but I like your style more specifically.

As I read the lyrics in my head I was trying to imagine putting it to sound as well as a really cool girl's singing voice. (I'm weird, I know) There was that catchiness this had for acoustic type music. I liked how you didn't make it too rhymey in order to achieve that catchy flow. But there was some off putting rhythm in it. Like here for example:

Kick me, kick me
Twist and maim me
Don't bet I will
Let you hurt me
Kill me, kill me
Cut and burn me
See if it won't
Entertain me

Complete girl power vibe, which I think is epic. You're already a writer, and so putting your creative touch on a song with words and patterns like this was nicely executed. I also agree there's really no grammar when it comes to song lyrics. Whenever I happen to look some up online even then the lyrics don't revolve around proper grammar. Because it's not what songs are about, so I have absolutely no nitpicks regarding that whatsoever.

Great job, Raz! Keep up the cool songwriting. ^-^ And if you do sing or happen to play an instrument, HELLO! youtube!?

-Smylin'

I do sing. ;D I also taught myself to play the keyboard synth, and let me tell you -- I suck. xD

Anyway, thanks for the review!

RAZZY WHY ARE YOU REPLYING IN THREAD D:

....sooowwwyyy. I dearly loves the pwetty wittle pm reply button. Oi do. Oi dearly lurves eet.

*cough*

Anyway. I'm not really sure how to review this. I couldn't find the rhythm, and it doesn't seem to be a traditional poem/song. *frown* Not that it's bad, I'm just stuck.

Of course, there's no question about the emotion in this poem. I'm sorry about that--I like listening to people, by the way. So if you ever wanna talk...

Anyway, this was good, overall. Just unusual. I'm sorry I couldn't be of more help, I just like poetry--still have a long to go till expert.

Grammer always counts...whether it's in song lyrics or not. I didn't really like this that much. I mean some parts were okay and someone else already discussed the grammer with you. I'm sure you have other works that are wonderful, but in my view this one wasn't that great..sorry