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Young Writers Society


I Can't Wait Forever



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8 Reviews



Gender: Female
Points: 890
Reviews: 8
Tue Mar 28, 2006 7:51 pm
musicroxslife says...



Pleave leave a comment!
"I Can't Wait Forever"
By: Lisa (©LC Sounds)

You've been giving me these looks
That no one has gaven me before
You always seem to help me out
Whenever I'm in need
My friends say we should go out
My friends say we would make a cute couple
Then if you like me
Why won't you ask me out?

Chorus:
You say you will in your own time
But I can't wait around forever
I like you and you like me
I really want to know if this is real
Or just some silly crush
But I can't wait around forever
Just so you can get some courage

Don't know what to do
Don't even know what we are
Are we friends or are we more?
Should I become a star?
Or stay who I am?
Whatever I am will you ask me out?
And if not
Why won't you ask me out?

Chorus

I want to know if I'm waiting forever
Because if I am I'm outta' here
I want to have a career
I can't when all I'm doing is waiting
I don't want to disappear
But I can't wait around for a year
Just to hear you say you want more
So why won't you ask me out?

Chorus

I'm not waiting forever
Just for a simple question
So good-bye
And go get some courage
Last edited by musicroxslife on Wed Mar 29, 2006 8:48 pm, edited 1 time in total.
  





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820 Reviews



Gender: Female
Points: 890
Reviews: 820
Wed Mar 29, 2006 10:03 am
Myth says...



You've been giving me these looks
That no one has gave me before


That just seemed wrong, I have two suggestions for that line:

One

You've been giving me these looks
That no one has given me before



Two

You've been giving me these looks
That no one gave me before
.: ₪ :.

'...'
  





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368 Reviews



Gender: Female
Points: 1125
Reviews: 368
Wed Mar 29, 2006 1:11 pm
Shine says...



Good job :)

But the last chorus was not that impressing(mainly the last two lines, it sounded to be just a poem)
"A good plot is like a dream.If you dont write down your dream on paper the moment you wake up,the chances are you'll forget it and it'll be gone forever"-Roald Dalh.
  





User avatar
8 Reviews



Gender: Female
Points: 890
Reviews: 8
Wed Mar 29, 2006 8:48 pm
musicroxslife says...



Thanks for the comments and I made the change!
  





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75 Reviews



Gender: Female
Points: 890
Reviews: 75
Fri Nov 10, 2006 10:51 pm
Krystalstars says...



Problem: That no one has gaven me before
Problem fixed: That no one has given me before

Over all tho it was VERY good!
God made us Best friends because he knew our moms couldn't handle us as sisters.....
  





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70 Reviews



Gender: Female
Points: 890
Reviews: 70
Sun Nov 26, 2006 7:13 pm
Pushca says...



It was pretty well-done, but not exactly the most original thing of all time. Over all good job, and sorry I suck at critiques.
"Nothing I could write would be as shocking and offensive as censorship itself." -Deb Caletti
  





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171 Reviews



Gender: Female
Points: 890
Reviews: 171
Tue Nov 28, 2006 10:56 am
lexy says...



musicroxslife wrote:Pleave leave a comment!
"I Can't Wait Forever"
By: Lisa (©LC Sounds)

You've been giving me these looks
That no one has [s]gaven[/s] given me before
You always seem to help me out
When[s]ever[/s] I'm in need
My friends say we should go out
[s]My friends[/s] they say we would make a cute couple
Then if you like me
Why [s]won't[/s] don't you ask me out?

Chorus:
You say you will in your own time
But I can't wait [s]around [/s]forever
I like you and you like me
I really want to know if this is real
Or just some [s]silly[/s] childish crush
But I can't wait [s]around[/s] forever
Just so you can get some courage

Don't know what to do
Don't even know what we are
Are we friends or are we more?
Should I become a star? (what????)
Or stay who I am?
Whatever I am will you ask me out?
And if not
Why won't you [s]ask me out[/s]?

Chorus

I want to know if I'm waiting forever
Because if I am I'm outta' here
I want to have a career
I can't when all I'm doing is waiting
I don't want to disappear
But I can't wait around for a year
Just to hear you say you want more
So why won't you ask me out?

Chorus

I'm not waiting forever
Just for a simple question
So good-bye
And [s]go[/s] get some courage


oK ALL IN ALL THIS SOUNDS LIKE YOU'RE QUITE YOUNG. tHERE ISN'T ANYTHING DEEP ABOUT THIS... ITS ALL ON THE SURFACE.

aRGH,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,

Your repetition is cringe worthy... I'm sorry I've got to let someone else crit this work.

*flails*
When did I realize I was God? Well, I was praying and I suddenly realized I was talking to myself. - Peter O'Toole
  








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