Young Writers Society

Te quiero

I can't answer the phone tonight- forgive me,
You know loving you is what my daddy forbid me,
And our relationship should be a secret,
So in the end there is none to regret.

I won't tell you tomorrow why I can't talk,
The explanation will be longer than what we could walk,
And this is for us to stay longer so bear it,
Although both of us will hate it.

Chorus:

Te quiero, mi amor,
Better put the phone down and get to rest,
The stars will be silently watching you tonight,
Let's make a wish that things will be right.
Te quiero, mi amor,
Don't you worry, put your fears to rest,
Someday I will tell my daddy I love you,
And everything will be okay for me and you.

I can't go to our rendezvous on Saturday,
Because my daddy planned to take me away,
I shall finish my study somewhere far away,
But you can still call my phone anyway.

I won't tell him yet that we're in love,
But I will when the chance is enough,
And this is for us to stay longer so bear it,
Although both of us won't take it.

Chorus:

Te quiero, mi amor,
Better put the phone down and get to rest,
The stars will be silently watching you tonight,
Let's make a wish that things will be right.
Te quiero, mi amor,
Don't you worry, put your fears to rest,
Someday I will tell my daddy I love you,
And everything will be okay for me and you.

Bridge:

Sometimes, I will think in the night,
How patient you are to me,
Don't you know you're the one who set things right,
Te quiero, mi amor...

Umm . . . I think this should go in Lyrics.
-T

TPak, haha! I guess you're right.. haha, never knew about the Lyrics forum, just now. Thanks for letting me know!

Hello, WIMR!

The problem I've got with the way you wrote this was, what is up with the commas? It wasn't following any standard anyway, so why bother put the commas? Like here:

I won't tell you tomorrow why I can't talk,

The explanation will be longer than what we could walk,

And this is for us to stay longer so bear it,

Although both of us will hate it.

The first and second lines should be separated as two different sentences, right? And lookie here:

Better put the phone down and get to rest,

The stars will be silently watching you tonight,

Let's make a wish that things will be right.

Three sentences, three lines, all separated with a comma. Totally unnecessary. What I've noticed is you used comma to point out the stanzas and such. The breathing, blah blah... but that's just my theory. But it's OK, just get read of those commas. Plus, this are song lyrics. Those are just unnecessary.

Now that I've gotten that off my chest, let's take a look at the song as a whole now. First, this is so sweet. I really like it. When I was reading it, I wish it was in a lull-like melody. The thing is, it's cliche. But we all know how good it is to have a cliche song where almost everyone will relate with. Yes, in the music industry, people who cleverly write cliche songs get the most attention because of the mass. So you'll have to know that I loved this, and please PM for questions, and don't forget the Youtube link. I'll be sure to rate and comment. =) KEEP WRITING!

CSI Jash ♥