Young Writers Society

This was written as an attempt to get over this stupid guy that's been saying for three months he wants us to be friends and then told me last week he doesn't. Blah.
The first stanza is somewhat slow with one female voice and piano. After that there's a small drum fill and it picks up tempo and instruments. The last stanza sounds like the first. It's meant to sound a little angry.
All comments are much appreciated and let me know if you want to know anything else about it!
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If I wrote a song for you,
And told you everything.
All the things I’ve been thinking,
But have been too scared to say.
What if it was heartfelt?
Raw, fresh, and pure.
If I wrote a song for you,
Would it change anything?

Too much has changed.
I’m different. I’m sorry.
Excuses you gave.
It’s just one of those things you know.
No, I don’t know, please tell me.
I don’t believe you are sorry.
Look me in the eyes and lie to me.
That takes nerve my friend.
Quit lying.

I’ll watch you burn.
I’ll watch you float away,
With all the promises you made.
I know you’re not sorry.
I will not be your ghost.
I refuse to be lonely.
I am done with tears.
I just want to be happy.

You were the one that got away.
You gave up, you wouldn’t stay.
I tried my best and fought hard for you.
But one sided fighting,
Doesn’t win any battles, oh no.

We had our struggles,
Our challenges, pitfalls.
But you told me once, twice,
You will not lose me.
You looked me in the eyes and lied to me.
That takes nerve my friend.

What were you thinking?
That I would forget you.
Move on while still thinking there’s hope.
Because all of this time,
I thought that we wanted the same thing.
But all of this time you were lying.
You’ve got nerve my friend.

I’ll watch you burn.
I’ll watch you float away,
With all the promises you made.
I know you’re not sorry.
I will not be your ghost.
I refuse to be lonely.
I am done with tears.
I just want to be happy.

If you don’t want me,
That’s your loss, not sorry.
I’m not asking for everything,
Just something.
If you think you’re happy,
Then sorry I’m trying.
But all I want is to be friends.
So what’s wrong with trying?

I’ll watch you burn.
I’ll watch you float away,
With all the promises you made.
I know you’re not sorry.
I will not be your ghost.
I refuse to be lonely.
I am done with tears.
I just want to be happy.

This is my song for you,
Where I’ll say everything.
All the things I’ve been thinking,
But have been too scared to say.
Do you think it was heartfelt?
Raw, fresh, and pure.
This is my song for you.
Does it change anything?

Those lyrics have real potential. They really flow together and make a good overall song. Also, i love how you said the first stanza is like the last stanza; it really sums up the song that way:)

Ok so i read your song had a hint of anger in it right? Is it kind of like 'Kiss me fool' by Fefe Dobson? Just in my opinion, reading the lyrics gives off a more pained and sad feel instead of a bitter angry one.

I really love it and hope you would consider making an actual tune for it. KEEP UP THE GOOD WORK

This is a lovely song! The lyrics and word choice is beautiful
I actually think this could make a good song. The only thing about posting lyrics on here is that it is hard to actually hear what it sounds like. You could write lyrics but then sing them many differnt ways. So, I'm not going to critique the flow.
The story behind the song was good. I really liked how you kept saying "friend", it gave the song more power. I liked the chorus, but I'm just not sure if it is kind of choppy? I know when I was reading it, that's how it seemed. However, like I already mentioned, I can't really say :p
I do have one little suggestion for the chorus:

I’ll watch you burn.
I’ll watch you float away.
With all the promises you made,
I know you’re not sorry.

Perhaps this isn't what you were trying to say, but I thought the last two lines should be one sentence and one continuous thought (which is why I changed it to a comma). If it isn't one thought, then you can ignore that. I do think the the second line should be a period instead of a comma, however.

Another suggestion I have is adding this to the ending:

Do you think it was heartfelt?
Raw, fresh, and pure.
This is my song for you.
Does it change anything at all?

As I was reading it, I kind of just added that in on my own. It felt natural to me. You don't have to change it though if it doesn't work with how you wanted it to be sung.

Overall, I think you have a really nice song here! It definently has potential to be great

haha . i love it!
you remind me of my friend clarissa
now she is the biggest regret of her ex-boyfriend
i remember my favorite song 'wish you the worst'
with your composition.. nice job!

Hey, you held my attention up to the last word of this composition! Normally, just few boring lines made me skip reviewing it. And you just held my attention that long? Wow! haha... I LOVE THIS ONE! Like, like, like !

haha . i love it!
you remind me of my friend clarissa
now she is the biggest regret of her ex-boyfriend
i remember my favorite song 'wish you the worst'
with your composition.. nice job!

I agree Jen Marie

Nice work! <3