Young Writers Society

Hey Everybody!!! I've never written lyric before, but this felt right when it came out. Comment! Critique!

Vrs 1
He said, the moon is shining
down on us
the world is waiting
for us to rush
but let's hold on tight
and don't give in
when the sun comes up
there will be no sin

chorus:

so let's hold on tight- never letting go
with all our might-let our beauty show
lost in your eyes-trapped in your touch
we'll be together, if only for a moment
Only for a moment

Vrs 2
no words are coming
when we move
you're perfect for me
dancing to the groove
you can bruise my heart, and strip my soul
but you're here forever
and we're stuck like glue


chorus:

so let's hold on tight- never letting go
with all our might-let our beauty show
lost in your eyes-trapped in your touch
we'll be together, if only for a moment

Vrs 3
The dawn is breaking
I'm all alone
on a sandy beach
cold to the bone
you said you wouldn't leave
that it would be alright
you said we'd stay together
all through the night

bridge?:

so I'll hold on tight- never letting go
pick my clothes-let my beauty show
lost in this world-hurt by your touch
we were together, only for a moment
Only for a moment.

Hi Butter! ^^ Here to review.

At first, I was very impressed with the way the words seemed to flow. I could honestly match the tune to a few songs (In the first verse this includes the song that I just finished listening to - If Everyone Cared by Nickelback xD The tune's stuck in my head.), and I could create a couple new melodies and tunes for it, too. That's a good thing. The first verse? It was great as far as I'm concerned.

The chorus was also good - there isn't much that I'm going to say about that. It flowed well, and I honestly just flat-out liked the words.

The second verse is the one that got me - I really didn't like it as much. The flow was way off, and the words started to sound... well the word choice just wasn't that good. You used a cliche about being 'like glue' and then the word 'cuz' (Which, if you're going to be using it at all, needs to be spelled *'Cause*, with and apostrophe at the beginning.) Verse two was a bit disappointing - I'd check your flow and the word choice there.

Now, I don't know a whole lot about lyrics, but your last 'chorus' is a little different than the rest of the song, and I'm pretty sure that it should be called a 'bridge.' I'm not sure about that, though. xD Just thought I'd say something. Otherwise, I really liked the last bit - it was probably my favorite out of the whole song.

Keep writing,
~~Ish.

Thanks! I changed a few lines. I think it sounds better.

Aww, it's sweet and adorable! I like it quite a lot Thanks for recommending this for me to review. Not let me get to the details...

so let's hold on tight- never letting go
with all our might-let our beauty show
lost in your eyes-trapped in your touch
we'll be together, if only for a moment
Only for a moment

I really like the chorus of this song. It's very romantic and very adorable to listen to. I like reading it, and just thinking about it. It really makes me wish I had a girlfriend to sing to. But enough about me, back to the lyrics. This chorus seems like it would sound lovely if put to some piano and acoustic guitar (two of the sexiest instruments in existence!). Now, moving on...

no words are coming
when we move
you're perfect for me
dancing to the groove
you can bruise my heart, and strip my soul
but you're here forever
and we're stuck like glue

Verse 2 might be my favorite, because I like the last three lines. Bruise my heart and strip my soul. Man, I love it! Wonderful lyrics, really. You're talented!

Well, you know where to find me if you need a review!
- SOCKS

Once again, this is great =]. But the last line sort of irks me a bit. It just doesn't flow well with the rest of it. You're lyrics are great, I hope to post some of my lyrics once I get copyrights of some sort. I'm very protective over my lyrics. But you've done a great job and I hope to read more soon. =]

You did a wonderful job in describing things boys may say to get to third base..lol. Seriously, though, it was a bit cliche' but it wasn't all bad and yeah the second verse did lose it's flow. I'm sure the more you write the more you will better be able to write wonderful lyrics. Not that i'm an expert or anything.