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Mon May 02, 2011 5:33 pm

Amfliflier says...

I don't really know what the song is about, so whatever images that flash through your head while reading will be appreciated!

Verse 1:
I don’t understand
What or who you’ve become
What happened to that little boy?
Please, just stay away from, us

Chorus:
Why must you do this?
Do you see what you’ve done?
Tonight the world weeps
And you think that it’s all for fun
Tonight we are silent
Tonight we will cry
And I have just one question, for you:
Why?

Verse 2:
Tonight we’re blanketed
With silence and despair
The cry of an innocent child
Fills the frigid air

Chorus

Verse 3:
Don’t take it out on us
We’re not your punching bag
We did nothing wrong
I’m waving a white flag

Chorus

Bridge:
I know this isn’t you
So why do you act this way?
Please be true to yourself
And be true to me, heyyyyy! (I know that looks awkward, but I have a tune going in my head, and this is where it would build up to the chorus.)

Chorus

Yep. That's about it. Again, whatever flashed through your head, if you could tell me that'd be great!

Thanks for reading!

Forever for All <3

MUSIC RULES!

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Mon May 02, 2011 5:38 pm

Fortissimo says...

WHat is the theme of the song? I feel like the writer is a mother of a little boy, and the boyfriend/father figure is being abusive to the main character and the son. I picture the tune and my head, and I could see Taylor Swift singing it (if she were a mother and all that jazz) Anyway I think as an amateur writer, it was a good piece of writing! I can definitely see songwriting as a side-hobby in your future. Just learn to play the guitar and dye your hair blonde! I can see it now, the next Taylor Swift(:

Live Life. Love Life. Be A Writer. YWS(:

All we are saying is give peace a chance.
~John Lennon
As usual, there is a great woman behind every idiot.
~John Lennon

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Mon May 02, 2011 6:40 pm

Sunshine says...

Hm... I like it. I picture this as a soft song, probably more country. Like Fortissimo said, thinking Taylor Swift.

Theme wise, for the most part I picture what Fort said. Also, I can see a long time girlfriend singing it to her long time boyfriend wondering why he became so changed. Mostly, however, I agree with the mother singing it to her child. It seems to make since, and I can fit it ino a picture in my head. Then again, musician doesn't need to go around and telling a particular theme of a song. Taylor Swift doesn't go around telling people the meaning of "Mine." Although her songs pretty pasific, she let's the one's who aren't have the listener's figure it out. Justa saying.

I only have one thing in the actual format of the song that bother's me.

Verse 1:
I don’t understand
What or who you’ve become
What happened to that little boy?
Please, just stay away from, us

That extra comma makes the "us" seem cut off and not connected. It bother's me. I can't picture anyone singing it like that.

Thanks for letting me review. TEAM CSI: YWS!!! (GO TEAM OCTAVE!)

I have loved the words and I have hated them. I only hope I have made them right.

---The Book Thief---

Hi, I'm Sunshine! It's lovely to meet you!

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Mon May 02, 2011 8:19 pm

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Teardrop says...

Hi! First of all, what I saw in my head was a couple that have been friends since they were little, they have a baby, but the father is abusive.

I kinda got that from these few parts of the song:

Amfliflier wrote:Don’t take it out on us
We’re not your punching bag
We did nothing wrong
I’m waving a white flag

I know this isn’t you
So why do you act this way?

But that's just what I think. ^_^

Anyway, I thought this was pretty good!

Amfliflier wrote:Please, just stay away from, us

The comma before "us" is not nessesary. It stops the flow a bit, and seperates it from the rest of the sentence.

Amfliflier wrote:Fills the frigid air

For some reason, I thought "fills" could have been replaced with another word. But that's just my opinion so yeah.

Overall, I enjoyed reading this a lot and think you did a nice job!

~Tear

P.S. GO TEAM TOXIC NUDIBRANCH!! ^_^

And are the doctors dancing in, while the ambulances sing. Another boy without a sharper knife. The moment, that's where I kill the conversation, wrap this up with a knife that loves to feel. How do you know how deep to go before it's real?
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Fri May 06, 2011 6:12 pm

housecat says...

Try to figure out what it's about! If you're just writing down words, then it isn't really a creative piece of art.

I feel like this is about abuse, obviously. Maybe about a father hurting his family. Abuse is a really touchy subject, and actually a pretty common topic for songwriting/poetry, so you should go deeper into it. Right now it seems kind of shallow, like a skeleton. I can't tell whether or not this is in the voice of one person, standing up for their family (or whoever), or if it's speaking for the family in general. The emotions should be a lot stronger. Get personal. Maybe even add some mystique. Try to figure out the topic and really get detailed! I feel like this has potential. Keep writing!

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Fri May 06, 2011 6:16 pm

Amfliflier says...

Wow guys, thanks for all the feedback! Yah know, I think I might go back and possibly add/go deeper with this. And I think I might've been absentmindedly been writing about abuse, because now that I go back and read this, that's what it sounds like!

Again, thanks for the feedback, it's appreciated!

Forever for All <3

MUSIC RULES!

Everyday is Earth Day!

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Sun May 15, 2011 7:23 am

Jashael says...

Hey, Amf! So, you from Nudibranch? Hehe...

I don't really know what the song is about, so whatever images that flash through your head while reading will be appreciated!

Verse 1:

I don’t understand

What or who you’ve become

What happened to that little boy?

Please, just stay away from, us

Chorus:

Why must you do this?

Do you see what you’ve done?

Tonight the world weeps

And you think that it’s all for fun

Tonight we are silent

Tonight we will cry

And I have just one question, for you:

Why?

Verse 2:

Tonight we’re blanketed

With silence and despair

The cry of an innocent child

Fills the frigid air

Chorus

Verse 3:

Don’t take it out on us

We’re not your punching bag

We did nothing wrong

I’m waving a white flag

Chorus

Bridge:

I know this isn’t you

So why do you act this way?

Please be true to yourself

And be true to me, heyyyyy! (I know that looks awkward, but I have a tune going in my head, and this is where it would build up to the chorus.)

Chorus

Yep. That's about it. Again, whatever flashed through your head, if you could tell me that'd be great! Thanks for reading!

Um... the thing that goes in my head, is like some rebellion, or something like that. And then there's blame in the part of the singer? [LOL] I have one question for you: Why? Why are we the one figuring out what's this about when you're the writer? :lol:

But it's cool. I just don't understand, too.

“I believe in Christianity as I believe that the sun has risen:
not only because I see it, but because by it I see everything else.”

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Sun May 15, 2011 12:17 pm

Amfliflier says...

In case people were wondering why I didn't have a meaning for this song:

It's because I was taking a class and one of our assignments was to write a song. For me it was kind of a last minute thing, so I wanted to see what other people thought about it (and that's why I posted on here!).

Forever for All <3

MUSIC RULES!

Everyday is Earth Day!

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Thu Jun 02, 2011 4:19 pm

jenmarie says...

I don't know why
but i felt so odd
when the song you've just wrote
keeps me wondering why?

______________________
haha! i made my own lyrics about the song
hmm.. i thought your song was about a mother and her son.

~jenjen

i love you. and won't get tired of saying i love you.

jheron

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