Young Writers Society

Previous Mistakes.
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(Beta Tested)
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Things I never did, and people never met,
All the wrong choices made, so easy to forget.
But when I look back now, on what I did back then,
I wish I had the chance, to do it all again.
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Turn it back a few years, everything's goin' fine,
Most people woulda' killed, for a life like mine.
Still I studied hard, still I fought, still I tried.
And even when I didn’t, my grades didn’t slide.
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But when I was fifteen, I kinda let things slip,
And I’m still struggling now, trying to get a grip.
When the deadlines came, id just let em float by,
Work ain't as cool as drink or gettin' high
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Now we do what we do, and we do it cos its good,
Or cos we know we can, or cos we think we should.
But I never looked ahead, just played the here and now,
Never making the most of what time would allow.
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And I coasted through it all, I can't understand,
How I picked up my grades and saw A's in my hand.
I kinda wish I hadn’t, cos its messed with my mind,
Thinking I could live like this, and life would be just fine.
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Here I am a year later, with the gift of hindsight
Two E's to my name, with my head feeling light.
Got exams in the distance, teachers on my back,
Just wishin' now, I hadn’t been so slack...
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(Persistence)
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Yeah when I was in school I cared more for having fun
But now I'm nearly out, and I wish I hadn't done
And when it’s all over, I won't fail cos I'm dumb
I guess making money's more important to some
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Think of someone like me, try’na find my destiny
Don’t know where I'll go, or who I’m gunna be
Never good at anything, but this comes naturally
And no matter what I do, this is what I wanna be
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Everyday someone say, try harder and go do sommit'
Figure cos I'm not with them, that I must be doin' nothing.
See the truth is with rap I could say anything.
But are you gunna listen if you know I'm bluffing?
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My parents always said that they'd be forever proud
So I kept a few things from 'em that they wouldn’t have allowed
Never liked where I lived, and I argued out loud
And I couldn't please me moms, 'is why I got kicked out
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My plan after school is to join the army
But it seems like I can't, it's not expected of me.
So I’m here rappin' 'bout it, work it out with Beta - T
And I think this line right here will be the last out of me.
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(Beta Tested)
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And we won't be here, another year later,
Making lame excuses “yeah that teacher was a hater”.
No, we're gunna' knuckle down, show the the world what we do,
Get our lives back on track, and start something new.
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I'm only seventeen, but the point remains the same,
The rap may be, but the grind ain’t a game.
I Call myself BetaTested, so I got something to prove
Man I got so much to gain, and I got too much to lose.
But let it be a lesson to those up high
When we fall from the top, yeah we damn near die.
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For those that want to know the beat: it was written to fit Maxito Production's beat found here : http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=pArCfx9E2i4

Nice Work!
I like it a lot... the beat is fit well too!
"My plan after school is to join the army

But it seems like I can't, it's not expected of me.

So I’m here rappin' 'bout it, work it out with Beta - T

And I think this line right here will be the last out of me."
i love this verse!! over all it'd be a hit....
keep up and update me with more

NLPrincess13 wrote:Nice Work!
I like it a lot... the beat is fit well too!
"My plan after school is to join the army

But it seems like I can't, it's not expected of me.

So I’m here rappin' 'bout it, work it out with Beta - T

And I think this line right here will be the last out of me."
i love this verse!! over all it'd be a hit....
keep up and update me with more

Cheers man, Ill have to send regards to Persistence!! He sent me the verse and I altered it so it'd ft the flow, and we agreed on it and BAM, here it is!

The beat is good right

Cheers for the praise and the Like

BetaTested

Hello! A review as requested...Ummm, ok, so lyrics aren't my thing, but I'm going to have a go You've got a good beat going on here. I'm going to listen to the youtube thingy now. As far as first impessions go, you've done a good job. And you know what? You've just got a *like*! Thanks ' Beta-T ' lol
~ Am

AmeliaCogin wrote:Hello! A review as requested...Ummm, ok, so lyrics aren't my thing, but I'm going to have a go You've got a good beat going on here. I'm going to listen to the youtube thingy now. As far as first impessions go, you've done a good job. And you know what? You've just got a *like*! Thanks ' Beta-T ' lol
~ Am

Cheers Amelia,

I would seriously recommend reading the lyrics along with the beat. Oh and thanks alot for the like

Haha, Beta T was what my mate put down, so I kept it

Thanks once again.

BetaTested

Hello again! I got your request, so I shall give whatever feedback I can!

I liked this song much better than the last one I looked at. This one told more of a story -- a personal one at that. It's written very well, and the listener can relate better to the singer.

The song seemed to talk more about grades, so I wasn't sure about your first line:

Things I never did, and people never met

The song discussed more about the grades they never got, not the people they never met. Perhaps refer to people the speaker didn't meet or the people the speaker did meet somewhere in the song.

Two E's to my name, with my head feeling light.

I'm not a rapper. xD So forgive me for my naivety, but I don't see how this line has anything to do with the song. I went through all the options I could think of too. xD There are 3 E's in BetaTested, though maybe the two E's refer to Tested. Maybe this was a clever play with words and you get E letter grades where you're from?

My parents always said that they'd be forever proud

So I kept a few things from 'em that they wouldn’t have allowed

Never liked where I lived, and I argued out loud

And I couldn't please me moms, 'is why I got kicked out

Line 4 seems to contradict line 2? 'Cause the speaker implied he tried to please them by hiding those nasty secrets of his, then line 4 seemed to dump that line in the creek and implied he didn't care about pleasing them. Also, the parents in line 1 said they'd be proud, then line 4 said mom wasn't proud. xD

And hopefully the song ended well for you, considering the last two lines didn't finish the ABAB scheme it started. xD It was just the first half of it.

But considering all I could do was nitpick, I think this was a huge improvement. I really liked how personal it was made, and it's a great message for students. The tension definitely built through straight to the end. The story was told very well, I think. Sorry I don't have much more to say! Great job!

Keep writing!

Jabber, the One and Only!

JabberHut wrote:Hello again! I got your request, so I shall give whatever feedback I can!

I liked this song much better than the last one I looked at. This one told more of a story -- a personal one at that. It's written very well, and the listener can relate better to the singer.

The song seemed to talk more about grades, so I wasn't sure about your first line:

Things I never did, and people never met

The song discussed more about the grades they never got, not the people they never met. Perhaps refer to people the speaker didn't meet or the people the speaker did meet somewhere in the song.

Two E's to my name, with my head feeling light.

I'm not a rapper. xD So forgive me for my naivety, but I don't see how this line has anything to do with the song. I went through all the options I could think of too. xD There are 3 E's in BetaTested, though maybe the two E's refer to Tested. Maybe this was a clever play with words and you get E letter grades where you're from?

My parents always said that they'd be forever proud

So I kept a few things from 'em that they wouldn’t have allowed

Never liked where I lived, and I argued out loud

And I couldn't please me moms, 'is why I got kicked out

Line 4 seems to contradict line 2? 'Cause the speaker implied he tried to please them by hiding those nasty secrets of his, then line 4 seemed to dump that line in the creek and implied he didn't care about pleasing them. Also, the parents in line 1 said they'd be proud, then line 4 said mom wasn't proud. xD

And hopefully the song ended well for you, considering the last two lines didn't finish the ABAB scheme it started. xD It was just the first half of it.

But considering all I could do was nitpick, I think this was a huge improvement. I really liked how personal it was made, and it's a great message for students. The tension definitely built through straight to the end. The story was told very well, I think. Sorry I don't have much more to say! Great job!

Keep writing!

Jabber, the One and Only!

Cheers for the review Jab, can I call you that?

Yeah, I can see what you mean about the first verse, I may amend it. The song in general is just meant to be about poor decisions, to be perfectly honest the beat we were using ran out, which is also the reason why the song ends shorter than I would have liked. Out of interest, did you listen to the beat whilst reading the lyrics?

With regards to the parts under Persistence I'll have to speak to my man and see what he says about it!

Cheers for the positive feedback!

BetaTested

Haha, Jab is definitely okay!

I did listen to it with the beat! Which is probably why I enjoyed it so much. It's much easier to listen to the music while reading lyrics. I think the beat's great! I can tell you guys would have fun singing this one. If the song ended shorter than you wanted, does that mean there are parts that you ended up not using in your song? Perhaps there's a way to shorten the bit about school and make it more general. Just a thought!

JabberHut wrote:Haha, Jab is definitely okay!

I did listen to it with the beat! Which is probably why I enjoyed it so much. It's much easier to listen to the music while reading lyrics. I think the beat's great! I can tell you guys would have fun singing this one. If the song ended shorter than you wanted, does that mean there are parts that you ended up not using in your song? Perhaps there's a way to shorten the bit about school and make it more general. Just a thought!

Yeah I could do that, If I kicked Persistence off the track !! xD

First of all I just want to say I think the topic's great. I definitely know the situation and even if it gets quite personal at times (which I think rap generally should anyway) there's still the theme of unearned confidence and its hazards which is far more universal, making it more accessible.
My only real negative criticisms would be the odd grammar mistake or qustion about grammar here and there (just to warn this will get very pedantic as there aren't really any glaring errors I can see):

1. "I wish I had the chance, you don't really need a comma here, grammatically speaking. I'm guessing it's used to highlight a pause when you rap? but I think readers would get that especially if they listened along with the youtube link. There's a few other commas I'd question, but I won't note each of them as in the end, as these are lyrics, it is important for readers to get a feel for the flow of the song. So I'll leave it up to you to do it all again. "

2. "When the deadlines came, id just let em float by," "id" needs an apostrophe and "em" should probably have one at the start to show it's a shortening

3. "Now we do what we do, and we do it cos its good," Again just a missing apostrophe. This time on "its"

4. I kinda wish I hadn’t, cos its messed with my mind, Same again.

5. "Yeah when I was in school I cared more for having fun

But now I'm nearly out, and I wish I hadn't done

And when it’s all over, I won't fail cos I'm dumb

I guess making money's more important to some" Not sure if it was intentional or is there punctuation missing from the ends of these lines?

6. "And I think this line right here will be the last Dunno if I just can't get the beat right in my head, but would this flow better with "one" added in here? out of me."

7. "(Beta Tested)" No problem here, I just wanna ask are these bits in brackets meant to be spoken as well or just to signal a new section of the song?

8. "But let it be a lesson to Again I don't know if I've just got the beat wrong in my head here, but would this benefit from adding someting like "all o' " in here? Or is this meant as more of a coda to the song, as its structure differs from all the others? those up high"

Well that's my nitpicking. Pretty minimal I know, but this does seem a pretty solid piece as it is already. One final question: is there meant to be a chorus? Or just breaks in between verses?
That's all I can think of for now so keep up the good work.

*Quick note: wrote my review earlier today, but only just been able to post it and upon doing so refreshed this page. So, sorry if my review covers areas everone else's did as well :s*

Kobain72 wrote:First of all I just want to say I think the topic's great. I definitely know the situation and even if it gets quite personal at times (which I think rap generally should anyway) there's still the theme of unearned confidence and its hazards which is far more universal, making it more accessible.
My only real negative criticisms would be the odd grammar mistake or qustion about grammar here and there (just to warn this will get very pedantic as there aren't really any glaring errors I can see):

1. "I wish I had the chance, you don't really need a comma here, grammatically speaking. I'm guessing it's used to highlight a pause when you rap? but I think readers would get that especially if they listened along with the youtube link. There's a few other commas I'd question, but I won't note each of them as in the end, as these are lyrics, it is important for readers to get a feel for the flow of the song. So I'll leave it up to you to do it all again. "

2. "When the deadlines came, id just let em float by," "id" needs an apostrophe and "em" should probably have one at the start to show it's a shortening

3. "Now we do what we do, and we do it cos its good," Again just a missing apostrophe. This time on "its"

4. I kinda wish I hadn’t, cos its messed with my mind, Same again.

5. "Yeah when I was in school I cared more for having fun

But now I'm nearly out, and I wish I hadn't done

And when it’s all over, I won't fail cos I'm dumb

I guess making money's more important to some" Not sure if it was intentional or is there punctuation missing from the ends of these lines?

6. "And I think this line right here will be the last Dunno if I just can't get the beat right in my head, but would this flow better with "one" added in here? out of me."

7. "(Beta Tested)" No problem here, I just wanna ask are these bits in brackets meant to be spoken as well or just to signal a new section of the song?

8. "But let it be a lesson to Again I don't know if I've just got the beat wrong in my head here, but would this benefit from adding someting like "all o' " in here? Or is this meant as more of a coda to the song, as its structure differs from all the others? those up high"

Well that's my nitpicking. Pretty minimal I know, but this does seem a pretty solid piece as it is already. One final question: is there meant to be a chorus? Or just breaks in between verses?
That's all I can think of for now so keep up the good work.

Cheers for the review man!

With regards to grammatical errors, I'll correct some of them, however some of them do reflect the natural pause during the rap itself.

There isn't meant to be a chorus, it isn't needed, there is enough room for breathing throughout, and with the change in performer, the situation is made considerably easier. Listen to Frontline or Seven by Army of the Pharaohs. You'll get what I mean then. The parts in brackets aren't spoken, they indicate who is rapping what.

The final lines in my first is cut short, but the final line in the final verse seems to fit, not sure where the issue is there?

Thanks again for the positive review man!

BetaTested

No problem!
Fair enough. Your lyics, your rules.
Regarding chorus etc. ... yeah I can see that now lol :$ my bad, and don't worry I know the technique.
Ok, hmm not sure will have to relisten with the beat. I probably just had a blip rethinking it during my review to be honest.
Again no problem, if you post any more stuff please let me know
k

Kobain72 wrote:No problem!
Fair enough. Your lyics, your rules.
Regarding chorus etc. ... yeah I can see that now lol :$ my bad, and don't worry I know the technique.
Ok, hmm not sure will have to relisten with the beat. I probably just had a blip rethinking it during my review to be honest.
Again no problem, if you post any more stuff please let me know
k

All is well my friend!!

Ill let you know if I get anything else down.

Cheers for the support bud!

BetaTested

Hi! I really liked these lyrics and the way you gave us the link to hear the beat of the song. I listened to that while reading and I thought you did a great job, the content and emotions in the lyrics seem really strong to me. They are well put together and told a great story. There was slang is stuff in the lyrics which I really liked just because that's different and something I've never done! I really do not have anything bad to say about this piece, I enjoyed it very well! Thanks for posting, I may start writing lyrics
Peace,
Snickerdooly