Young Writers Society

A tree
in a field
Speaks to me
In a manner of bewild'
I don't know why
but it does
and no matter how I try
to look away, I'm reminded of what I once was

A single
thing in this world
An absorbant
to the abandonment of this world
just out there
occupying nowhere

The leaves
missing
It breathes
I listen
As all the sounds of years rekindle
reminiscing

A single
thing in this world
An absorbant
to the abandonment of this world
just out there
occupying nowhere

It's roots dried
A life does weak
and take
If a thing can speak
to avoid the break
It would if it could
The life slowly declines
nothing is good
The sun shines
On this lifeless organism

A tree
in a field
Speaks to me
In a manner of bewild'
I don't know why
but it does
and no matter how I try
to look away, I'm reminded of what I once was

A single
thing in this world
An absorbant
to the abandonment of this world
just out there
occupying nowhere

The leaves
missing
It breathes
I listen
As all the sounds of years rekindle
reminiscing

A single
thing in this world
An absorbant
to the abandonment of this world
just out there
occupying nowhere

It's roots dried
A life does weak
and take
If a thing can speak
to avoid the break
It would if it could
The life slowly declines
nothing is good
The sun shines
On this lifeless organism

I do not understand what Memory deals with this but other than that I say its beautiful and can not wait for more ^^ I do not see anything wrong. Good luck and Happy Writing!!!!
Soulkana<3

The line breaks really threw me off and kept throwing me out of this piece. I think this would at least read more smoothly if you combined some of the lines together so that there aren't so many one-word lines. Right now, I really can't get a feel for the rhythm of this, except in the third verse where the line breaks make sense.

Because I kept getting tossed out of the flow of this, I'm afraid the words didn't leave an impact on me, especially when combined with the lack of punctuation. Around the fourth verse, I gave up on trying to follow the flow of ideas and puzzling out which lines were connected to which. Consolidating some of the lines would help with this, while incorporating some punctuation would help even more.

Even so, I'm pretty sure you traded meaning for rhyming in the last verse, and it really detracts from the entire song.

Another option would be to post the melody (if you have a recording) so that your readers can follow along with the flow of the music rather than be left floundering in silence to be tripped up by very short lines.