Young Writers Society

In the tune of Lady Gaga's Born This way.

IMPORTANT! READ:
Before you read on, I know you'll be wanting to discuss this. (Yes, I'm certain about that.) To those who would wan to discuss this, please go to this video I've posted on youtube.

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Gays should NOT be discriminated! God is ready to FORGIVE and give eternal life to gays just like any other 'sinful' people. Yeah, including YOU.

"BELIEVE ON THE LORD AND SAVIOR JESUS CHRIST AND YOU WILL BE SAVED."
~ Acts 16:31

My mommy tells me since I was young
God made each of us unique
Each has his greatness and his weakness with different personalities
But then I learned reality's abused
Other people deviate
From God's design
They twist truths to confuse
And this is all they've got to say

"I'm beautiful in my way
'Cause God makes no mistakes
I'm on the right track, baby
I was born this way
Won't hide myself in regret
I love myself and my set
I'm on the right track, baby
I was born this way!"

They say:
"Ooo, there ain't no other way
Baby, I was born this way
Baby, I was born this way!"

They'd say:
"Ooo, there ain't no other way
Baby, I was born this way
Right track, baby
Baby, I was born this way!"

Be on alert!
Don't be deceived! (3x)

Be on alert!

Embrace the truth
Listen to God's voice
Give yourself real respect
Don't go lowering yourself as if you don't have a choice
You're not an animal urged by instinct
A man is not for another man
The same goes for the ladies, yeah....
Those who fool themselves will receive recompense
*Greek language* (Which is necessary for their delusion)

God may have given you up
In terms of your wants and lust
But you can't blame Him
For choosing to do evil things
God may allow you to
Do things you shouldn't do
But He can't be blamed
'Cause He didn't make you that way

All the twisted things man does
Like going against natural love
God will never compromise

But don't lose hope
Just stop the use
Of the subtly wrong and poor excuse
Don't have to regret
It's time to see the light

Be on alert
Don't be deceived!
Beware, brethren! - the Monster Queen
The thorny rose with a blood-stained stem
Is cleverly masked by art and fame
Don't you recall the angels who were not satisfied?
But willingly preferred another state
Than their proper place
And I tell you
They weren't made that way!

Black brown beige yellow or white
You're precious in God's sight
Learn to be satisfied
'Cause no one is ever the same
Now, it's your choice to start
To accept who you really are

Remember: You're fearfully
And wonderfully made

(Read Romans 1:26-30)

IMPORTANT! RULES ON REVIEWING:
For the sake of this review thread, the site, and our dear moderators, please only review the form of the lyrics above, etc. If you want any FURTHER discussions - if you want to share your view or whatever, go to this video I've posted on youtube - NOT HERE. If you don't have a youtube account, go make one. It only takes less than ten minutes. Please consider this small request. We don't want people yelling at each other here or whatever. It can cause so much trouble.

I repeat: If you want to express yourself FREELY, go to this youtube video.

Thank you very much.

Jash ♥

Heels, I'm Jojo and I shall be your reviewer for today!
Edits are in red.

BEST PART ( Below)

Be on alert!

Embrace the truth.
Listen to God's voice.
Give yourself real respect.
Don't go lowering yourself as if you don't have a choice.
You're not an animal urged by instinct.
A man is not for another man.
The same goes for the ladies, yeah....
Those who fool themselves will receive recompense.
*Greek language* (Which is necessary for their delusion)

God may have given you up,
In terms of your wants and lust.
But you can't blame Him
for choosing to do evil things.
God may allow you to,
do things you shouldn't do.
But He can't be blamed
'Cause He didn't make you that way!

All the twisted things (men do?)
Like going against natural love.
God will never compromise.

But don't lose hope.
Just stop the use.
Of the subtly wrong and poor excuse.
Don't have to regret.
It's time to see the light

* I know theses are lyrics and all ( and 'm not too familiar with reviewing them...) but there are a lot of missed points of punctuation.
Video sounds great. ( bur sing LOUDER) Let your voice and your message be known!Be bold for Christ.


OVERALL:
God really did something when he made you, Jash.
Wonderful. I love this. It's about time.
You are really a voice crying out in the wilderness here. It's not overdone, and it's not the most popular thing to say. And I love it.

Here are a few quotes that made me think of you/this-..


(and)


Lovely poem.
Keep Writing( really)
God.Bless.You.
-----------------------------
Your sister,
-Jojo

Thanks for the nitpicks, Jo! God bless, too! =)

Okay, I\'m not sure if you posted Lady Gaga\'s song here or not. Also, are you telling us that you\'re gay? Because what\'s the whole deal with the gay\'s shouldn\'t be descriminated against and then post such a strange song about God. God doesn\'t hate gays...he just hates how they have sex..as to my understanding.

I am not gay. My point is, religions should not discriminate gays. Because the truth is, God's forgiveness is open to everyone, including them. =)

I'm going to review your work, today. Now, this won't be the best review ever so I apologize.

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When you write a song you have one of two options: write the lyrics and make a tune to fit it or vice versa. Obviously, this being a play on Lady Gaga's song, you have to make suit the words to the music and not vice versa. You did an awesome job in places, I heard your voice kind of... fluctuating almost exactly with the rhythm. In other words, you were awesome. Remarkably, even the bridge thing wasn't a problem... it was almost perfect. The problem were the verses. At points I felt like you were hoping the song would warp around your words. You left out a beat or whatever so that the song fit. You did this maybe 5 times, but five noticeable times. I haven't heard Lady Gaga's version so I can't say. Just be very careful not to make this a sermon and not a sermon-in-a-song. In other words, try and emulate what you've done here:

Be on alert
Don't be deceived!
Beware, brethren! - the Monster Queen
The thorny rose with a blood-stained stem
Is cleverly masked by art and fame
Don't you recall the angels who were not satisfied?
But willingly preferred another state
Than their proper place
And I tell you
They weren't made that way!

^ The first line is especially guilty. I'd tell this to Lady Gaga too, if it's similar.That and, for cho-sing todo e-vil things.

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This might just be a personal opinion, but be careful not to drag your sounds - open your mouth wide, Jash. This goes in hand with the sing loud thing. Sometimes the music overshadows you and it comes off as if you are relying on the very song you are insulting to get across the message that contradicts... get what I mean?

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As to your message (I'm not debating, I'm giving an honest suggestion as to how to carry it across better):

In the beginning it's very apparent, to me, that you let your emotions carry you.

Be on alert
Don't be deceived!
Beware, brethren! - the Monster Queen
The thorny rose with a blood-stained stem
Is cleverly masked by art and fame
Don't you recall the angels who were not satisfied?
But willingly preferred another state
Than their proper place
And I tell you
They weren't made that way!

This was however great.

What am I saying?

You pitch this song as a refute to Lady Gaga's, alright? Not to the gay community. Furthermore, you say that you have nothing against them. So logically you should be saying 'Listen guys, Lady Gaga is NOT telling you the whole truth... I believe I am' which you did 105% in the end. I won't quote it because that would take up space.

However, in the beginning...

My mommy tells me since I was young
God made each of us unique
Each has his greatness and his weakness with different personalities
But then I learned reality's abused
Other people deviate
From God's design
They twist truths to confuse
And this is all they've got to say

"I'm beautiful in my way
'Cause God makes no mistakes
I'm on the right track, baby
I was born this way
Won't hide myself in regret
I love myself and my set
I'm on the right track, baby
I was born this way!"

The first stanza sounds especially cruel. Maybe it's true but it doesn't do much to help anybody about to listen through the song.

You have to provide a substitute (like you almost do in the end of the song).

Think like this:
I'm gay. But I love God. You know what Jash, you're right, I'm not going to be gay. So what am I?

And I really don't think it helps to tell them to be straight... as if straights don't sin? Beside, how would you 'straighten' yourself? Brainwash yourself with female-only pornography? Volunteer at a nunnery where you're only around girls, not to be tempted by other boys?

It sounds dumb, because it is dumb. If anything, the only thing possible is to believe that God will make a plan. You have not said that in your lyrics. You have said (in my interpretation, don't say I"m interpreting wrong because you wrote this song for me and others to hear. You have to understand this is what came across... to me)

Gay is wrong > But there is hope in God > Forsake your gay way

That's great, but it's not as supportive as you think. To use a stereotype: Every youth Baptist minister wanting to make a name in their new church opens their ranting session with something on homosexuality which gets the town ladies clapping and the men nodding slowly. Your song's not like that... but it's nothing new. I speak for sinners when I say 'I've heard it all before'.

(Disclaimer: please note you can't convince them out of being gay anyway. Conviction is the Holy Spirit's job. I only wrote that to make sure you have all the facts when you edit this).

I guess I'm turning this into my song now, which is awful to do. I'm going to finish it off with this: remember Jesus said, 'He who is without sin, cast the first stone'? (not a proper quote). I'm not saying you shouldn't cast stones (correction: point out problems/evil), I'm saying that immediately after that He said 'go your way, and sin no more'. The ending is the crux. Jesus didn't want everybody to point out problems. He wanted more people to help this person along.

As someone who had a sexually-oriented addiction, I can personally say that just not sinning is NOT enough. It's the first step though. And quite plainly, with what I saw in the latter of your song, I'd rather see you have a single verse about how it is plainly wrong, just to set up the feel of the song, before growing the song into an encouragement. There are so many Christian gays (not an oxymoron - Christians sin) who are about to abandon God because 'He's not doing anything for their situation'. I feel you would do better telling them not to give up the good fight.

Edit this and I'll see if I can post this on my facebook wall

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God's blessings upon you Jash,
Keep rocking for The Rock,
TheNewHero

Hey Hero,

As I said this is a simple exegesis of Romans 1:26-30. No wonder Bible scholars in America love the lyrics.

And oh, you're right: The Holy Spirit's conviction is the one who convicts as one converted lesbian's testimony two week ago said, "If I didn't hear the hard message about homosexuality and that only the 'soft' and 'gentle' ones, I wouldn't be a Bible believing Christian."

Thanks for the review! I read it wholly. =))

In Christ,
Jash

........I still think the "choosing to do evil things" line could be more clearly worded.

I really like this, but I think you need to project more on the low notes--you're not as strong on those.

Overall, I like it, and it keeps competing in my head with the original version. XP Haha.