Young Writers Society

(12+ for the h word.)



Asked you to lunch,
it's 'no big deal'
So you say, while I'm
thinkin 'this can't be real.'

'Just to lunch, he'll
be just fine.'
I've got my eye on you,
Maybe next time.

Baby, she caught you so fast
I barely had time just to (*Laughs*) hear you laugh.
When she caught you I just wanna break down.
Can't she get the hell out of this town?

Baby, can't you see, She is the enemy,
She is just using you for now.
She wants to see how long you can stay away from me!

You had a great time,
oh, this'll be her last,
just for you, baby,
I'll kill her fast!

Baby, she caught you so fast
I barely had time just to (*Laughs*) hear you laugh.
When she caught you I just wanna break down.
Can't she get the hell out of this town?

Baby, can't you see, She is the enemy,
She is just using you for now.
She wants, to see, how long you can stay away from me!

Now it's the end,
and she is as good as dead,
I can't just believe
how much your heart bled...

Baby, she caught you so fast
I barely had time just to (*Laughs*) hear you laugh!
When she caught you I just wanna break down.
Can't she get the hell out of this town?

Baby, can't you see, She is the enemy,
She is just using you for now.
She wants, to see, how long you can stay away from me!

Please, come back to me...
Please, come back to me...
Please, come back to me...
Please, come back to-o-o... me.

Hey
I like this alot, I could imagine it as a proper song. Good work.

This is awesome!!!!
So many people could relate to it and i think with a good beat this could be wonderful!!!


And if you get it published I call first copy =)!!!!

Hi! You requested a review from me, which I probably should have done then, but. xD

Anyways, I liked this. However, the excessive use of the word "baby" irks me (Yet for some reason I have no problem with a few other terms of endearment, such as dear, honey, love...it's just a me thing, so you can disregard it.), and I have one teensy nitpick:

When she caught you I just wanna break down.

Key words: "caught" and "wanna". One is in past tense, one in present. You should change one or the other. Caught to catches or wanna to wanted to, but it doesn't make sense otherwise! It's kinda making me twitch-shudder, just thinking about it. Like nails on a blackboard. This is the life of a grammar nazi, I guess. *heavy sigh*

Anyways, hope I helped!

>>Annie<<

so much feeling but you really want to kill her. while you go to jail rememberer your man can be getting it on with someone else even though the first girl would be dead. you would be in jail never to see him again. so really don't kill her.