Young Writers Society

(talk)

Close your eyes babe . Dream

(sing )

You can wish upon that shooting star,
lay your head down
cross your heart,
promise me you`ll always dream.

(CHORUS)

Never forget me,
dream that we meet again.
I`ll always remember
the first day you held my hand.
Never forget me
oh oh never forget me.

(end CHORUS)

One day every dream
might become reality.
One day if you wish
we could become
something more.

(CHORUS 1x)

I want to fly away
From this place
just to see your sleeping face
and know that you dream.

I dream that I`ll remember you
always and forever
dream.
(talk)
forever

Hi there,

I like what you tried to do with this. I loved the concept of continuing to dream. However comma, I have some notes.

1] I feel like expanding or adding a verse would be benefical, otherwise people will get sick of listening to the same chorus (SPELLED: CHORUS) over and over again.

2] I think rember was suposed to be remember?

Besdies that I really liked it.

Keep wrinting!

Kay

I edited my song.

Heey I think the idea is great but you could develop it more and maybe use some more imagery to make it sound a little more interesting. Also, maybe add something more personal to it and give it that extra special ingredient. It's just that it is a tad hazy, it doesn't quite connect with the audience. It just needed some extra spark, but fab stuff and keep writing xXx