Young Writers Society

I don’t understand why everything falls out
Of places that we’ve thought we could keep high enough
Could you explain because I can’t now?
Would I complain because it’s too much?

What do you want?
I don’t know
Stay
Until we can
Push away
All of the pain

I don’t understand why I fucked up your life
I want to pull you down with me: Because I love you
Could it all fade because I prayed hard?
Would you think back: Because you see me cruel?

What do you want?
I don’t know
Stay
Until we can
Push away
All of the Pain

...All of the pain that you’ve caused me

I’m just a loser, a fucked up man
I’m just pathetic, a fucked up man

What do you want?
I don’t know
Stay
Until we can
Push away
All of the pain

…All of the fucking pain you’ve caused me

http://www.ourstage.com/tracks/TWDNWXFD ... o-you-want

I didn't send this song looking like this. I don't ever use spaces after each sentence. For some reason this site posted it looking like that.

Hi,
I like it,but I think you need to link it-somehow.I kinda got lost in the middle,but I think it's good:)

Crest, the site sometimes does that, which is why it's important to put dashes (-) between each stanza in separation. It makes it easier to read.

Anyway, simply reading the lyrics did not tell me the vibe your songs gives off, so I cannot critique it in that sense!Tomorrow, when I'm on a computer, I'll listen to it and edit in nitpicks. (By the way, if I need to get that specific to review, it means I liked your song. ^^) Sorry it's taking me so long to get around to reviewing!

>>Annie<<

EDIT:
Okay, I'm listening. The background music is creeptastic. I STILL like your lyrics, but in attempt to review...

Try to go into a little more depth. More depth about the pain that was caused by that said person, the subject that the narrator is speaking to. Try to make it less angry so that you can go into more depth, while still giving off the same impression. Also, I would suggest not using echos so excessively in your music, as the words are slightly difficult to understand, and the lyrics play a major role in the song, yes?

Hope I helped!

>>Annie<<

Thanks to Snoink I was able to fix the double spacing problem

I liked your song...The first two lines are my favorite:
" I don’t understand why everything falls out
Of places that we’ve thought we could keep high enough "
Nice... I'd like to listen to the tune...