Young Writers Society

A quick song I wrote for one of my friends. The song pretty much tells the story. Anwyays, this is kinda the first song I've written that already has actual music to go along with it and isn't just lyrics. So enjoy and critique!
--
V.1
Beautiful boy, I see you standing there
And I'm trying not to stare,
Pretending I don't care anymore
Oo, once upon a time
you wanted to be mine
You and me were fine, just fine

C
And I'm trying so hard to figure this out
You're throwing my heart around and around
But I keep coming back for more
Say you're trying so hard to figure this out
You start to scream, start to shout
And I can't take it anymore

V.2
Beautiful boy, you've always held my heart
Even from the start
But it's gonna fall apart
Oo, Please don't go away
It's always been this way
Ever since I first fell for you

C
And I'm trying so hard to figure this out
You're throwing my heart around and around
But I keep coming back for more
Say you're trying so hard to figure this out
You start to scream, start to shout
And I can't take it anymore

B
And everytime you say goodbye
A little part inside of me dies
A little part inside of me, little part inside
little part inside of me dies

C.
And I'm trying so hard to figure this out
You're throwing my heart around and around
But I keep coming back for more
Say you're trying so hard to figure this out
You start to scream start to shout...

Outro (Or whatever)
Beautiful boy you're gonna break my heart
And I can't take it anymore

--
So there's the song! Please review (:

Personally I liked Version 2, its words flowed more than its previous version. Though I am not sure how your song is set up.
The bottom half, went it into detail and the 1st part was like a summary. It is in the slang of the actual person experiencing heart break. This song could have more flow with words, though not too much, just a tad more.
CardDragon>"*

I love the words to this song! I can even hear the words coming together to form some kind of tune - probably not the one you’ve written, but it would be great to hear this in its full glory (tune and all) one day. I’d be honoured to actually play this one day, but who knows.
All up, I like this song. I haven’t seen this “version 2” that CardDragon has mentioned, but I do like this one. It’s simple and down-to-earth, and it isn’t too romantic that it become overly-soppy* like many songs from young rock/punk bands. Keep up the good work!

* (Just to clear something up, this song is in no way soppy at all.)

Thanks! I really was worried it would turn out soppy, as you put it, so I am glad it's not!
As for the tune, it's just some really simple chords since I only just started playing guitar and haven't invested in lessons yet... If you really want to hear I can record it, but I'm not the best singer either.
Anyways, thanks so much for the reviews guys!

V.2

Beautiful boy, you've always held my heart

Even from the start

That version 2.

CardDragon, that's Verse Two :p

it is...to use your words...BEAUTIFUL...!!! good job...i enjoyed reading it...and would like further enjoy myself listening to it!! and thats what every lyrics writer should get...im sure your song will rock...let me know if you record it!!..

Great lyrics but you could have replaced most of the words with something more creative.
Beautiful boy, I see you standing there

And I'm trying not to stare,

Pretending I don't care anymore

Oo, once upon a time

you wanted to be mine

You and me were fine, just fine

C

And I'm trying so hard to figure this out

You're throwing my heart around and around

But I keep coming back for more

Say you're trying so hard to figure this out

You start to scream, start to shout

And I can't take it anymore

V.2

Beautiful boy, you've always held my heart

Even from the start

But it's gonna fall apart

Oo, Please don't go away

It's always been this way

Ever since I first fell for you

C

And I'm trying so hard to figure this out

You're throwing my heart around and around

But I keep coming back for more

Say you're trying so hard to figure this out

You start to scream, start to shout

And I can't take it anymore

B

And everytime you say goodbye

A little part inside of me dies

A little part inside of me, little part inside

little part inside of me dies

C.

And I'm trying so hard to figure this out

You're throwing my heart around and around

But I keep coming back for more

Say you're trying so hard to figure this out

You start to scream start to shout...

Outro (Or whatever)

Beautiful boy you're gonna break my heart

And I can't take it anymore

I'm not the best critique on lyrics, mostly because I can better review when listening to it. It'd be great if you'd like to post a recording! PM me when you do-Love to hear it!

Thanks everyone for the reviews!
I do have this recorded finally... It's not the best quality but it is decent. If you want it just pm me

Wow! Before listening to your recording, I really didn't have any great expectations on what it would be like, because you said it wasn't good sound quality. Well, let me tell you something! You have a VERY VERY VERY VERY Unique voice that hit me from the first line. Your voice is beautiful, how you can sing low and have sort of a smoky sound ( which is so beautiful) with tons of emotion. I loved it! I really really did! I would love to hear more of your songs, because with your talent, I'd imagine you've got millions . I didn't think it was bad quality at all! The guitar was beautiful! I've recently got one too (without much luck) and I admire your some writing skills! Keep writing! Keep singing! and Definitely, if you haven't already-Get your voice out there and heard! It's so wonderful!

No Joke! I'd love to hear more!

-Flabbergasted Butterfinger!

this will be quick.
i definitely loved your lyrics. keep writing.