Young Writers Society

Okay, here's the first complete song I wrote (sometimes I grab a paper and just write a verse but never complete it).

It fits in the pop-rock genre and is something Avril Lavigne might sing.

My ill-fated crush on someone inspired me to write this song, after i realized that it will never be (*sob* *sob*).

So here is the lyrics to You're Gone, and I hope you'll like it.



Verse1:

Getting through the day; Used to be okay,

(I was with you)

I thought it was chemistry; How it worked between you and me

The sparks used to flash so real; Was it us? Is it how I feel?

I made up mind, I was waiting for you



We weren't each other's half; But though you made me laugh

Your heart was somewhere else

I knew it couldn't be



Chorus:

You're gone; I walked away from you

There's nothing you could do;

We could never be; So now I'll say ,"so long"

I was lying to myself; But you're picture's still on my shelf

I guess I haven't gotten over you, baby



Verse 2:

Caught up between two sides; What's wrong and right

(But I can't choose)

Baby if you only knew; What I'd give to be with you

You reeled me; To bad you didn't feel me

Well if you'll treat me the way you treated her; Then I don't give a damn see you later



Chorus:

You're gone; I walked away from you

There's nothing you could do;

We could never be; So now I'll say ,"so long"

I was lying to myself; But you're picture's still on my shelf

I guess I haven't gotten over you



Bridge:

It couldn't go on like this

My head was spinning; You were winning

You were pinning after her

So I yanked myself outta this madness; I can breath I finally made it!



I'm gone; I ran away from home;

And now I'm all alone; I'm only a girl

And please tell me that you

Miss me as much as I do;(Do you?)

I guess there's still a little love for you

But I'm out of this mess/shit, it's true

And you're the person I wont need



Chorus:

You're gone; I walked away from you

There's nothing you could do;

We could never be; So now I'll say ,"so long"

I was lying to myself; But you're picture's still on my shelf

I guess I haven't gotten over you, baby



---

So that's my song. By the way, any thing in brackets means that it's preformed by backing vocals. Yes, I even thought about the back vocals.

Anyway tell me what you think, and how much would you rate, and if you think it'll have any future.

Thanks.
Maisoon

Hi hi =D
I like this song alot, although I had a hard time getting the tune or rhythm ^_^"
But I do think that the more poetry you put in a song, the more the poetic lyrics stand out and
more words come out.
Also, you can create a unique song out of the dullest tune ever, with the right lyrics.

I like that you focused on rhyming (like i usually do) but I would absolutely love it if there were
a stronger situation, more catching or poetic lyrics and a unique approach.

I do honestly believe that songwriting is as important as writing a story or poem.

Anywho sorry if I seem harsh, I really don't know if I seem like I am but I'm not that used to reviewing
cause all I do is type type type ^_^"

I like this
And I think you're right with it being something Avril Lavigne might write; however, this was a bit more emotional for her style of music, which I like Maybe it's like the kind of song she'd sing in her second album..? *Avril Lavigne fan xD*
I could imagine singing along to this, with the right rhythm
However, the beginning part sounds too much like "When you're Gone," in my opinion. And that's the only critisism I have to make
I like it. I like your style. Xxxx

I guess you must mean the very first verse, right? Anyways thanks for your support and your insights (both of you)

I edited it a bit...

I'm not going to go al big picky like I did on Kill the Messenger, but I agree with anianaira. I can never stress enough how much lyrics define the song, not the music. Hell, lyrics define the community! Look at the popular music nowadays, it could definitely use some poetic touches, no? x3 That had to be said. ^^

Other than that, I have to say I enjoyed this song considerably more than your other song. While the situation is common, this one seems more personal. Now to help you improve that...

Here's a little secret I incorporate into my own songwriting: show, don't tell. This is a common rule for poetry, too. A picture's worth a thousand words. Why not write those words? Or paint the picture with emotion? It's better not to straight out TELL the listener your story, elaborate.

Hope I helped!

>>Annie<<