Young Writers Society

Katie

Verse 1

Mascara runs down my face
As I look at our picture
I feel a sense of loneliness
I miss the old you everyday

Chorus

I want you to be the friend I loved
Instead of the monster you’ve become
You use to be so sweet
Now you just fill us with fear

Verse 2

It’s been two years since the old you disappeared
I wish that I could see you now
But as the person you once where
Not the person you’ve become

Chorus

Verse 3

Am
It pains me to hear of you in such a way
Feeling so much anger and pain
I wish I could help you but I cant
Though I’ve tried many a time.

Chorus

I really don't know much about song critiquing, but I just wanted to say this is really good. I can relate to it 100%. I think it was well written, and you got the point across well. Keep writing!

-*-*--Diana--*-*-

it's really good, well structured and i love how you dildn't make it rhyme ( poeple think it's a crime to not make it rhyme). But I have a heard time imaginig what genre of music the song would fit into.. So overall, that's all I have say, really good!!