Young Writers Society

Verse One
your heart's an achor so afraid to leave
your heart is anger so afraid of defeat
atomic number 50 never burns out
obligation is your number one doubt

Pre Chorus
under the table you hide your cards
at the end of the game we find out who you are

Chorus
a beautiful face begins to peel
how does it feel to be made of steel?

Verse Two
your mind's a machine operating for a cause
your mind is between winning and getting caught
look up to find you but you're on your way back down
like gravity always ending on the ground

Pre Chorus
under the table you hide your cards
at the end of the game we find out who you are

Bridge
you're in a corner with a center fold
you're a foreigner with a heart of cold
you're at a table with a hand of spades
but what from this do you gain?

Outro
atomic number 50 never burns out

I don't know quite what to say. It was beautiful. It made me think and I liket that. Atomic Number 50....would be Tin. What's the significance of tin? Am I looking too much into it? Was it not really representing something? Either way, I enjoyed it. Good job.

Excellent. Would be interested to hear the music. Pre chorus could be bit stronger.

I really like the pre chorus. It sounds like something I would say. Nice Job, Chevy.

Thanks everyone...this is my most favorite thing that I have ever written. And the Pre Chorus is actually apart of the Chorus. I just put it there so I could remind myself that that's where the music changes.

I liked it and I really don't have much to say. Although I would have to agree with amoerizzle about what the significance of tin is.

The only typo is in the first line, where you have "achor" instead of "anchor". Unless of course achor is an actual word and I'm just not that clued in.

This concludes another Useless Niteowl Critique.

[color=cyan]I'm not realy good at lyrics myself, but to me it was great.I hope to read more of your stuff later. [/color]