Young Writers Society

I hear the whisper through the night,
i hear the stories of it greatness.
I wonder what it all about,
An I see the whithering ruins that was once

Chorus:
Carradyne the pillar of the ages
Carradyne the greatest of the cities
Carradyne the stronghold of the old kings
Carradyne the Atlantis of the Dark Age

I'm wandering through the ruined streets
an turning every corner
Looking for a hint about what happened to

Chorus:
Carradyne the pillar of the ages
Carradyne the greatest of the cities
Carradyne the stronghold of the old kings
Carradyne the Atlantis of the Dark Age

I'm walking through the hallowed halls,
not leaving a stone unchecked
looking for an ounce of evidence that tells
me what happened to

Chorus:
Carradyne the pillar of the ages
Carradyne the greatest of the cities
Carradyne the stronghold of the old kings
Carradyne the Atlantis of the Dark Age

I'm walking the ancient battlements,
not much of them are left.
I see some rusty Armour
an think what could have caused the fall to?

Chorus:
Carradyne the pillar of the ages
Carradyne the greatest of the cities
Carradyne the stronghold of the old kings
Carradyne the Atlantis of the Dark Age

I've walked the hallowed halls,
an i seen the great city
an it still remains a mystery.
What caused the fall of this great city known as?

Chorus:
Carradyne the pillar of the ages
Carradyne the greatest of the cities
Carradyne the stronghold of the old kings
Carradyne the Atlantis of the Dark Age

An yet it still remains a mystery
what caused the fall of this great city

God damnit this was lovely but did you have to say hell in the first verse? I mean, it could be the exact same thing without it...

Chorus:
Carradyne the pillar of the ages
Carradyne the greatest of the cities
Carradyne the stronghold of the old kings
Carradyne the Atlantis of the Dark Age
And yet it still remains a mystery
what caused the fall of this great city

This was a bit different from your other chours maybe you could have divided it like:
...
Carradyne the Atlantis of the Dark Age

And yet it still remains a mystery
what caused the fall of this great city

(An should be And me thinks...)

This song is like a eulogy to the lost city and that makes it sad. It was good but it was sad... Hmm... sounded like a lovely city before it got destroyed. What did it look like before? beautiful

Come on someone else read me song i took my time thinking that up i'd appreciate it if you critic it.

BEEP BEEP! GRAMMAR/SPELLING ALERT! Actually, they aren't too bad. I can still understand what you're saying, but I think you need to fix it up.

I hear the whisper through the night,
i hear the stories of it greatness.
I wounder what the hell it all about,
An I see the whithering ruins that was once

I hear the whisper through the night,
I hear the stories of its greatness.
I wonder what the hell it was all about,
And I see the withering ruins that was once...

There's also the occasion an when there should be and.

I agree with TBR, the hell in the first verse is unneccessary(sp?). I think it might work better like this.

I wonder how it fell
As I see the withering ruins that was once...

I also think you should separate the last two lines from the chorus. In fact, you could just type out the chorus one time and then write (Repeat Chorus) wherever else you want it. That's what many people do, including myself. But you don't have to do that if you don't want to.

Overall, I think this is good. I would probably have gone around the subject differently, talking more about the beauty of the city than the aftermath, but every writer has their own style. Good job and keep writing.