Young Writers Society

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This is really beautiful.. I'm not playing the sympathy card either... this honestly is really awesome. I especially like the second part of it. Very nice.

emotion_less wrote:This is really beautiful.. I'm not playing the sympathy card either... this honestly is really awesome. I especially like the second part of it. Very nice.

Thank you darling..means alot to me

Bella xx

First off, I never gave you a gift. So here you go: mas_wink: mas_happy: mas_cool: mas_evil: :dreidel: :menorah: :frosty: :thumb: =D> #-o =P~ :^o [-X [-o< 8-[ [-( :-k ](*,) :whistle: O:) =; :sick: {|= :-$ :-s \:D/ :-# :hearts_eyes: :love: :lots_hearts:

Second off, I love it. It's really beautiful. But there are a few grammatical errors in the first verse. I'm guessing it's that way to go with the music, but I'll point them out anyway in case they're not.

Eyes so wide, searching a flaw
Misery had not yet, lined these walls

"searching a flaw" might be "searching for a flaw" or that could have been the way you intended to write it. The comma in the second line is out of place.

And there's a couple .. where it should have been ... Yeah I know that's a silly error, but I like pointing out the silly errors.

Great job! Keep it up!

What they said. Interesting choice in metephore. It was used really well. That stuff usually goes right over my head, but I understood this just fine.

Thank you all, I'm chuffed that you guys like it..I totally get what you mean with commas and dots but to me its alright..the only reason the comma is there is because theres a pause and I didnt really know how to signify that without it...searching for a flaw doesnt sound right to me...I dont really want to speak proper english in my songs..I find it difficult enough when I'm talking! But you're all darlings and I enjoy the feedback REGARDLESS of how pernickety it may be. So thanks!

Bella xx

It's beautiful. Really, really beautiful. Writing and singing your own songs helps me feel better too - they're unique and personal and nobody has to hear them but you. It's great that you've shared them with us and i sincerely hope you keep writing.

i agree with..um..everyone, it IS beautiful.
"and i wonder as i'm falling forward, where do all the good hearts go?"
i love it. keep writing!