Young Writers Society

The chords for the whole song is F G C Am--two chords per line.

Verse

Wake up to a brand new day
But down here it always feels the same
I tell myself it'll be okay
But I'm lying to myself everyday

I gotta tell you and I'll try to be kind
But could you please get me out of this life?
I'm trapped inside of a broken mind and
Nothing down here ever feel right

Chorus

Can you tell me
Where my detour is
Can you show me
Before I reach the dead end
I'm working in the same old coal mine
And I'm woking with the edge of time and

Time is running out, time is running out
Time is running out, time is running out

Repeat Verse

Repeat Chorus

Bridge

Time is running out, don't look back
Time is running out, can't change that
Time is running out, never look down
Time is running out, focus on now

Repeat Chorus

First of all, I think that the first verse rhymes a little too much. The rhyming pattern is:
Wake up to a brand new day (a)
But down here it always feels the same (a)
I tell myself it'll be okay (a)
But I'm lying to myself everyday (a)

In my opinion, the rhymes seem too repetitive.
Unless it is a punk song, I would feel that my attention would be strongly focused on the very simple and repetitive rhyming.

When I think of this song in my head, I feel that it is sung quite fast, tempo roughly 160 = crotchet.
Thinking about it, it reminds me of a typical punk song, but I feel that some of the phrases are slightly unoriginal, for example the first two lines:

Wake up to a brand new day
But down here it always feels the same

When I read the bridge, I hear an "question and answer" type of melody. For example:

Q: Time is running out
A: don't look back,

This is good, but it will depend on the chords and melody used to gain the catchy effect.

One suggestion is, probably to add in another verse, since one verse would make a very short song, even though you are repeating it once. This way, you can afford to repeat the chorus less, which will give it some variety. At the moment, the chorus is being listened to 4 times in total, which is not bad, but to me, the chorus is much shorter than the verse and therefore people would get bored easier with the chorus.

Overall, a good song that will do all right in the punk genre, if given a few tweaks here and there.
Also, you may want to use a different set of chords for the bridge. You don't have to, but it's only a suggestion, as I find it gives a better follow from the chorus when heard the second time.

Take care, hope I've helped

-Janice