Young Writers Society

Another song of mine. I like it.

I cry, but no one hears me call,
No one's here to break my fall-
A solitary wanderer in my mind.
And trouble's all I see,
But it's all left up to me.
I hope that I can treat my fears in kind.
Somebody's shut the door,
Can't hear you calling anymore,
My soul's my own to find!

I don't fit in, I can't get out,
I am unsure without a doubt,
I am so lost, I am at home,
I'm in one spot, and yet, I roam!
I am in pain; I don't cry out!
I'm feeling fine, but still, I pout.
There's no one here, I'm crowded in,
And it doesn't make no sense because I'm
[pre] [/pre]Senseless

You're here, but where have you gone now?
Can you bring me back somehow?
I know that you are listening inside!
There's nothing left that's real,
There's nothing here to feel!
I watch you as you wave my life goodbye.
There's no on at my door.
You won't be calling anymore;
You're leaving me behind!

I don't fit in, I can't get out,
I am unsure without a doubt,
I am so lost, I am at home,
I'm in one spot, and yet, I roam!
I am in pain; I don't cry out!
I'm feeling fine, but still, I pout.
There's no one here, I'm crowded in,
And it doesn't make no sense because I'm
[pre] [/pre]Senseless

'Cause I'm not in, but I'm not out!
I don't know what it's all about,
And when I fall there's no one there,
No one beside me when I'm scared!
I hold my breath and I go down,
And as I sink no one's around!
And even still I'm crowded in,
And it doesn't make no sense because I'm
[pre] [/pre]Senseless

This would be a great song with all diminished chords and such. Maybe like 7 of them, and just rotating after every strum. *Shudders* I wish I wrote this.

I have no idea what that means, but I'm glad you like it. Maybe when I get a Mac (and therefore GarageBand) I'll put it together so you can hear the real song.

I like this very much. But you spelled "levt" instead of "left" at one part.

What? No I didn't... *shifty eyes*

Well, despite how much I hate my voice, here's the vocals for this song. I wish I could make music to go with it...

http://www.wonchoitkd.com/senseless.wav

EDIT: Sorry, the upload didn't work, so here's the working one.

Some of the rhyming is forced, and the content is somewhat, eh, mass-produced. For that type, pretty damn good.

WOW
that was awosme
and your voice isnt bad
the only part i didnt like was when you hold the ending of the first verse(your leaving me behiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiind"
but this is my new favorite song...*thumbs up*

Um... is there a more expressive way to say wow? because I really need it right now. I really really liked this, Bobo.

My only objection is that you held out the word "behind" for far too long. It might have worked if there was music in the background, and I don't know what you're hearing in your head, but it just goes on for way too long on it's own.

But besides that, I have nothing bad to say about it. I loved it.

It would probably sound cool with the music. LOL, things do really change when you have your own background music in your head but not in real life. When I learn to play the guitar... or learn how to write piano music or something.

Nice lyrics!
Clear, understandable ,and has good rythm
Now all you have to do is put them to some decent [not country !] music.

My roommate is gonna teach me to play guitar, so when I can, I'll post one with guitar and voice, instead of my boring old voice.