Young Writers Society

RIOT GIRL

They say that I'm a bad girl
I don't really care
Cause in my own world
it's okay to be weird

Not looking for attention
stop staring at me
hey what's your problem
do you hate what you see?

you don't know me
I can tell
You think I
Don’t behave well

Cause I'm a riot girl
you don't wanna mess with me
I'm getting physical
better listen to me carefully
I'm a riot girl
you don't wanna drive me crazy

yeah I'm a riot girl
you don't like my attitude
it's getting critical
gotta get away from you
I'm a riot girl
you don't wanna drive me crazy

I have to make a statement
i'm not breaking the rules
I didn't make them
now you all are fools
don't you push me to hard
you are going to far
I'm gonna lose it!

Yeah
you don't know me
I can tell
You think I
don’t behave well

’Cause I’m a riot girl
you don't wanna mess with me
I’m getting physical
listen to me carefully

I'm a riot girl
you don't wanna drive me crazy
yeah i'm a riot girl
you don't like my attitude
it's getting critical
gotta get away from you
i'm a riot girl
you don't wanna drive me crazy

they say i'm a riot girl
i'm crashing
i'm burning up
cause i'm a riot girl
you don't wanna mess with me
i'm getting physical
listen to me carefully
i'm a riot girl
you don't wanna drive me crazy
yeah i'm a riot girl

you don't like my attitude
it's getting critical
gotta get away from you
i'm a riot girl
you don't wanna drive me crazy
It’s not like I’m
A cute little Daisy
I’m a riot girl living in my own world
Going by my rules
Today
Going by my rules
In my own cool way
I’m a riot girl
In my own world
I’m a riot girl
Today
I’m a riot girl can’t tell me what to say
I’m a riot girl
Time to pay
I’m a riot girl
Today


Please tell me what you think! ^^ (Remember this is my first poem…EVER!)
This poem tells how I am. I am not a cute little girl who is right and proper, I am a Tomboy and I am rough and wild. But people at school always say things like "Oh My God, She is weird hanging out with all those guys!" But I don't care as long as I have friends who like me for who I am! I originally made this as a song/poem and I even made a tune to go with it, though I can't put it on computer! XD Reply soon! (Please go easy on me! )

It's pretty good for a first attempt. You might want to work on the rhythm a bit- it can change the entire feel of the poem.

As for the subject of the poem itself... :cheers: YEAH! TAKE PRIDE IN INDIVIDUALITY! :points cheerfully at siggy: A la Scarecrow. Wise words from a wise soul

I wrote a poem about how people react to my weirdness in reality (which is generally bad). Perhaps I should put it up.

Anyway, I'd give this a 8/10.
I'd like to see more of your work soon!
~Ink/Sumi

Ehh... I'll go easy, in the sense that I will make this as short as possible.

I could see it being lyrics, but this isn't poetry. Poetry is meant to evoke emotion. People read poetry to feel an emotion, to come away thinking differently, to be inspired. This just...Well. I'm not sure exactly what it does.

Your rhyming is really forced, and doesn't have a strict pattern. I'm going to admit I didn't read the whole thing (It was too long and arduous for me to get through) but it could certainly use some help.

As I said, this isn't poetry. It needs better punctuation (I wrote an article that may help, you can find it here) structure, more of a patterned rhyming, perhaps even a rhythm. It's so much more of a song, but the words you use are so vague and flat and dull. And the subject itself isn't new, though you may think it is. Do you know how many teenagers write poems about emotions/individuality? All of them.

Since you say this is your first poem I'll give you the usual suggestions: Read poetry. Read the poetry here on YWS and read the critiques. What did people like, what didn't they like? What about the poem made it good? Did the poem give you a feeling/thought/idea to 'come away with? Go look in the Writing tips section, there are several articles on critiques (though you may have to go back some to find them all) that will help you out.

This ended up not being short, but oh well. I was harsh yet helpful, thats all that matters.

hey
this was pretty good but you had a few cap. errors
like you needed to be You cause its at the begining of the line. but other than that it was really good[/b]

Your Scarecrow signature... who is the Scarecrow??

Aet, please stay on topic. PM her for something like that.

Macky, these are lyrics to a song, not lyric poetry. I'm going to go ahead and move them over to the lyrics section; you can PM me if you disagree.

First and Foremost:
Don't take this the wrong way, but I love people who celebrate who they are. So, as for criticising this, I'm biased. But here goes.

It's simple. The structure of the verses and the words themselves have a great simplicity that recall any number of good punk or rock songs in the past. So far so good.

However, that very point is also its downfall. You should have gone into more depth about what spurs you on to be a rebel, and an outsider. Without depth, the song is devoid of emotion and more importantly, memorability. This song needs to be nailed into everyone's head and, as it is, it's not.

But overall, the song works well and is pretty enjoyable. Good work. Oh, and sorry this is short; I just haven't much time.

riot girl isn't that a song by good charlotte?