with out you

4 posts
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jenmarie
Gender Female
Points 1040
Reviews 10
Thu Jun 02, 2011 5:23 pm
jenmarie says... · Thu Jun 02, 2011 5:23 pm
actually this is my first song. i wrote it for my boyfriend (chuckles). and when he heard it (on the day of our monthsary) i was so shocked he cried. hope you like it! :wink:

"with out you"

Without you, the city falls asleep softly,
Without you, the color disappears slowly,.
Without you, my music does not amaze,
Without you, my hours are days,
Without you, my heart gets bored,

CHORUS [repeat chorus]
I love you (2x) (i know that you do)
I need you (i want me close to you)

Without you, there are no heavens,
Without you, the time forgets its reasons.
Without you, I am afraid of the next day not chosen,
Without you, the haze conceals the splendid ocean,

CHORUS
I love you (2x) (i know that you do)
I need you (i want me close to you)

My love, I need you to ease my burden
Coz without you, my happiness is forbidden,
My heart without you, is not at all replete,
My life without you is so incomplete...

With out you.. with out you
ohh.. i don't know what to do..
~jenjen

i love you. and won't get tired of saying i love you.

jheron
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Bronk
Gender Female
Points 556
Reviews 9
Fri Jun 03, 2011 1:47 am
Bronk says... · Fri Jun 03, 2011 1:47 am
Wow. That is very beautifully written. The wording is amazing and it flows very well. I found it wonderful and can't find anything about it that needs to be improved. They are quite excellent lyrics.
Bronk
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jenmarie
Gender Female
Points 1040
Reviews 10
Fri Jun 03, 2011 1:04 pm
jenmarie says... · Fri Jun 03, 2011 1:04 pm
thank you so much
haha.. it comes from my heart (chuckles)
~jenjen

i love you. and won't get tired of saying i love you.

jheron
Quote




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iampaulop
Gender Male
Points 2246
Reviews 50
Sat Jun 04, 2011 3:11 am
iampaulop says... · Sat Jun 04, 2011 3:11 am
Wow Jen, composer? haha... Super sweet song! I want to hear it ok?
And by the way, who will not cry if he received a song composed by the one he love right?
You're so sweet :)

I agree with Bronk
Wow. That is very beautifully written. The wording is amazing and it flows very well


Just work on Capitalization ok??

;) Nice job!!
It is our choices that show what we truly are far more than our abilities

Paul Zione
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4 posts


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