Young Writers Society

Spent my whole life dodging bullets
A million excuses for this and that
Took your bullet without a thanks
Then swaggered off like I didn’t give a crap

Always smiling, did you see me scowl?
Just an act, one hell of a show
Like “yeah I’m so tough, don’t need nobody
But I look out for my friends
Gotta look out for my friends

Coz who’ll carry me?
When the guns empty into my chest
Who’ll catch me?
When the ground opens up
Who’ll stop me?
When I’m standing too close to the edge,
And I just might fall..
Becoming nothing at all…

Is it really an event when nothing falls into nothingness?
And do you ever get that sinking feeling, in every single orifice
When someone does something, and you feel like you die inside
Don’t know where you’re going, just buckle up for the ride

But will you carry me?
When I’ve given up the fight
Will you catch me?
When the ground opens up
Will you stop me?
When I’m standing too close to the edge,
And I just might fall..
Becoming nothing at all…

They’re talking, they won’t shut up, but I don’t hear the words
The world drops out from my feet, no more bees and birds
My heart’s in your throat now, like I’m gonna vomit it up
And each word they say is like a punch in the gut
And it don’t make no sense, not even to me
And no one understands and if I tries to explain
My head will explode, in unbelievable pain

And who’ll carry me?
When my heart is ripped to shreds
Who’ll catch me?
When my wings are broken
Who’ll stop me?
When I’m standing too close to the edge,
And I just might fall..
Becoming nothing at all…

And when you realize someone close to you doesn't know you at all
What can you do? Can you take the fall?
And when you come to terms with the fact
Everyone thinks, you're someone you’re not
Coz there ain’t no real you, how is that s’pposed to feel?
How is that even right? How is that even real?
Yeah and I wonder if I’ve gone completely insane
Got nothing to lose but I’ve got nothing to gain

Got no one to carry me above all the pain
I’m falling and becoming nothing at all

I’m nothing...

Wow, this is a long one! It sounds more like lyrics to a song, I like it! Here's my comments:

Like “yeah I’m so tough, don’t need nobody"

End quotation mark

Coz

I don't know if it's just me, but 'coz' isn't in my vocab and sounds choppy. Maybe change it to 'cause'


My favorite part:

Is it really an event when nothing falls into nothingness?

I really like this poem/lyrics! Brilliant! Keep it up!

This makes me rather sad... *Sniff*

Anyway, It reads quite well. I can easily hear it in my head, perhaps accompanied by a medium speed beat?

Keep Writing,
~FW~