Young Writers Society

*I wrote these after listening to a lot of Fall Out Boy so they were intended to be sung in a similar style to that, but since I haven't actually got a set piece of music to them it's really up to you how you imagine the tune to them*

[Soft piano]
If life is a stage then I've got stage-fright
And there is no way you're gonna see me again
Every time I try I get pushed backstage
So there is no way you're gonna see me again
|
[Whole band begins playing : Guitar(s), Bass, Drums]
Life is a risk, but a risk worth taking?
What have I got to lose, still haven't gone far.
Small time hopes but big time dreams.
This town's never gonna see me again.
|
Seasons's change and I'm still going nowhere.
Can't wait to see that grass on the other side.
|
And I know that record is broken,
But we keep it spinning 'cause we like the sound.
You're still the only thing stopping me leaving;
This town'll be a duller place without you around.
|
A long goodbye and two hearts left aching
I can't stand to stay here with things as they are.
Our smallest hopes, our biggest dreams,
Reflected in this town again and again.
|
Seasons's change and I'm still going nowhere.
Can't wait to see that grass on the other side.
|
And I know that record is broken,
But we keep it spinning 'cause we like the sound.
You're still the only thing stopping me leaving;
This town'll be a duller place without you around.
|
I suppose that sorry's the hardest word
(I suppose that sorry's the hardest word)
But right now goodbye's just a lump in my throat
(But right now goodbye's just a lump in my throat)
I suppose that sorry's the hardest word
(I suppose that sorry's the hardest word)
But right now goodbye's just a lump in my throat
(But right now goodbye's just a lump in my throat)
|
And I know that record is broken,
But we keep it spinning 'cause we like the sound.
You're still the only thing stopping me leaving;
This town'll be a duller place without you around.
And I know that that record is broken,
But we keep it spinning 'cause we like the sound.
You're still the only thing stopping me leaving;
This town'll be a duller place without you around.

Hi there Kobain.
So I’ll say right off the back that I’m not the biggest reviewer of lyrics but I happened across this by accident and I read on.

So, I like the rhythm that I picked up for this right off the bat but more importantly, I’m adoring the lyrics. I think this would make a wonderful song. But there were two thing that bothered me.

And I know that that record is broken.

Yes, the double ‘that’ is grammatically correct, but it sounds wrong in a song.

You're still the only thing stopping me leaving;

What about saying something like ‘that keeps me here;’ I’m not sure, but it sounds weird to me the way that it’s written now.


Otherwise this is cool. Keep writing!

~lilymoore

Hi, Kobain!

I haven't read many lyrics on here, but I've seen enough to say that this is one of my favourites so far. I'd love to hear it with music, as a proper song.

Life is a risk, but a risk worth taking?

The question mark confuses me; I think the line would work better without it, because I'm thinking you're saying that even though life is a risk, it's a risk worth taking. With the question mark it seems you're not sure about whether it's worth taking or not.

And I know that that record is broken,

But we keep it spinning 'cause we like the sound.

This is my favourite part of the song, although I do agree with Lily about the "that that" thing.


About the title: it's witty and fun and draws attention to it, but it would've been nice if it was a bit more connected to the song itself. My point is, you could as well save the title for something else, and name this song something else, so it's not there for nothing.

In addition to good lyrics, I like it when songwriters plan out what they want the song to sound like, with all the instruments and effects. It makes them seem professional and shows they're taking the thing seriously – quite admirable in my opinion. If you're at all into composing music, do try writing the music for this piece!

Keep writing!


Demeter
x

I liked this lyric but it was more to me like a storie, because I did not feel any rhythm. I tried to make a beat or a melody in my head for this but I could. But I think this would sound good with a singer and a piano player. This would have sound beautiful probably. I loved the theme it was perfect, good job and continue the good work!

wow i really like the lyrics there, you could really hear it as a song

wow i was plannign a really long and good review but i really have to go lol sorry

I must admit i am not a bit reviewer, let alone of lyrics. However i find this particular set of lyrics to be fantastic. I believe with the right tune and singer this could be a truly wonderful peice of music.
I do have one minor criticism, however it is a repeat of these other esteemed reviewers. The "that that". While gramatically i can see when your coming from i don't feel it is right for a song. Other than that well done.
Bon chance on any future writing.

The only thing that I thought was odd is that the title is called "If I left, Would you Right?". Now to me that doesn't make sense. Shouldn't it be "If I left, would you be right?"

Also, you don't need to put all the instruments that are being played. That get's a little annoying seeing that. We know that this is a song lyric and we know that most likely there will be music playing along with it.

Thanks for all the reviews = )

About the title: this song was written after listening to too much Fall Out Boy and that influenced a lot of the writing, including the title. So, like they usually did with titles, the title was my attempt at some bad wordplay basically (apologies to any fans of them) - in that, as the theme is two people separating, they would each be going in opposite directions (Left and Right) but also incorporating the idea of someone going on travels telling loved ones they'll Write home... And yes, I know how bad that is, but come on - "America's Suitehearts"? :p

Also: yes, haha, sorry about that that. I seemed to do that in all the songs I wrote round this time :s

I really like it It's hard to judge when you can't hear the actual music but it's good and it has a nice beat/rhythm xXx

These are actually pretty good, and I like how you actually mentioned some of the instruments to give us a better idea of how it might sound. The one thing that bothers me is the topic of the song. I know that with some lyrics, the songwriter wants you to question what they're about. That's usually how I write my music, because it takes longer and overall satisfies me more. But this doesn't really seem like one of those songs. Are you singing about leaving a place? Or about a girl/guy? Or about leaving a place yet still wanting to be with a girl/guy? A lot of people wouldn't really care. It sounds very catchy and good as it is, but I think it would be better if you made the whole meaning or topic behind it a tad bit clearer. Other than that, bravo.