Young Writers Society

Ever since I joined the Air traffic Controle company in South Africe, i saw my wife less and less. I was moved from city to city. It was a lonely ride for us. She was pregnant at the time. i spent the time away writing. this is one of the songs I wrote

Hey, Girl. How are you doing?
I'm okay.
I really miss you, though
In every way
This distance between us,
stretch for miles
I would walk a thousand
just to see you smile
Just to see you smile.

And I pray that the day
When we see face to face
Would be close enough for my heart to bare
And I lay, lay awake
I daydream and I wait
I'm not close enough but my heart is there,
There with you

Hey, my little angel
In Mommy's womb
The world is amazing
you will see it soon
You're my pride. Your my joy.
You are my, my whole world
And I feel I can fly
When I think of you, girl.

And i pray that the day
When we see face to face
Would be be close enough for my heart to bare
I lay, lay awake
I dream and I wait
I'm not close enough but my heart is there
There with you
There with you

Ashley529 wrote:Hey, my little angel
In Mommy's womb
The world is amazing
you will see it soon
You're my pride. Your my joy.
You are my, my whole world
And I feel I can fly
When I think of you, girl.

And i pray that the day
When we see face to face
Would be be close enough for my heart to bare
I lay, lay awake
I dream and I wait
I'm not close enough but my heart is there
There with you
There with you

The best part, well in my opinion. This is beautiful. The fact that it happened and you wrote it for someone makes it even more special. You should be very proud. It maybe be simple, but have you ever heard of the phrase, "less is more"? That's how I feel about this. It makes everyone apprechiate that they get to be there when this is all happening. I love this, it's very amazing and you have true talent.

Good luck and keep writing.
-Soggy

Ashley529 wrote:Hey, Girl. How are you doing?
I'm okay.
I really miss you, though
In every way
This distance between us,
stretch for miles
I would walk a thousand
just to see you smile
Just to see you smile. I thought of the song A Thousand Miles when reading this and would recommend changing that line to 'I would walk every one' so that the comparison isn't made.

And I pray that the day
When we see face to face
Would we? be close enough for my heart to bare The two forms of the word are 'bear' and 'bare'. One means exposed. One means an animal. Those are the commonly known uses for the word, so in the context you used it in, it's not hard to confuse which one to use. It's 'bear' though.
And I lay, lay awake
I daydream and I wait
I'm not close enough but my heart is there,
There with you

Hey, my little angel
In Mommy's womb
The world is amazing
you will see it soon
You're my pride. Your my joy. Simple typo. You're.
You are my, my whole world
And I feel I can fly
When I think of you, girl.

And i pray that the day I, capitalized
When we see face to face
Would be be close enough for my heart to bare we; bear
I lay, lay awake
I dream and I wait
I'm not close enough but my heart is there
There with you
There with you

Now for my overall opinion! Other than the few corrections I made, this was really sweet. Sweet and simple. I don't think I need to say anymore, other than I liked this, so well done! ^^

Very nice! Especially about the baby! I would really like to listen to it as a song. Good job.

The song was okay
But I'm confused because you said this is for your wife and that she was pregnant. Yet, your name is Ashely. Now did you choose that name because it's the name of your wife or are you a lesbian who got married to another woman who had in-vitro fertilization to become pregnant? Or was she already pregnant when you married her?

I realize this is really off topic, but I'm just really confused about that.

Ashley not 'Ashely' is also a boys name......