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Young Writers Society


Someone To Fight For



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74 Reviews



Gender: Female
Points: 1834
Reviews: 74
Fri Jan 28, 2011 3:16 am
snowberry23 says...



I’ll stand my ground
Even after the battle
Cuz that’ll make me feel stronger
Even if it’s not much longer


I live my life day to day
In the hopes ill find a way to say
Everything I’m feeling and every thought I’m contradicting
You wont find me sitting waiting for you
In hope that all my dreams might just come true


Don’t expect me to cry while in front you
Please don’t make me change who I am
I’m no ones everything
I’m no angelic dream
I have no heart to give away
And loves a game I just won’t play


You say you need to need someone
You believe in that number one
True love
And I say you’ve been deprived of
Reality, sanity, and everything in between


I’m no ones everything and no angelic dream
I will not cry in front of you
And you will never see my scars
There barricaded by fences, wires, and walls
But why don’t you see?


You’re my angelic dream
My absolute everything
You’re my someone to fight for
And if you can make it through the wire
Jump over the fence
And storm through every single wall
You’ll see


I have a heart after all
I’ll be your strength not to fall
You can cry with me and let me be your everything
If you do I promise


Ill cry with you
You’ll see my scars
If you’ll fight for me, I’ll fight for you
You can gain half my heart
The other has beat for you from the start


I’m a warrior who can wait
For the battle to end
And leave the rest up to fate
I have a heart you need to mend
And ill be your warrior past the end


I’m a warrior and your best friend
And you are my someone to fight for
Last edited by snowberry23 on Sat Jan 29, 2011 4:59 pm, edited 1 time in total.
When nothing goes right, go left
  





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Points: 1595
Reviews: 160
Fri Jan 28, 2011 11:19 am
LilySoulMahon says...



I liked this, I can really image it as a song.
Was beautifully written and has some nice simplistic imagery. Made me smile. :)
Though I did feel like it was an example of a classic song of longing love you made your own twist to it.
A lovely set of lyrics, truly full of the emotion thats being craved.
Well done!
...The Emptiness Will Haunt You...
  





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74 Reviews



Gender: Female
Points: 1834
Reviews: 74
Sat Jan 29, 2011 4:57 pm
snowberry23 says...



Why thank you, i was feeling, I'm not to sure to be honest, I wrote it a while back. I found it the other day, made a few changes and decided to post it. I love that you didnt find it all to typical :D
When nothing goes right, go left
  





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Sun Jan 30, 2011 8:52 pm
Razcoon says...



I’ll stand my ground

Even after the battle

Cuz 'Cause that’ll make me feel stronger

Even if it’s not much longer



I live my life day to day

In the hopes ill I'll find a way to say

Everything I’m feeling and every thought I’m contradicting

You wont find me sitting waiting for you

In hope that all my dreams might just come true



Don’t expect me to cry while in front of? you

Please don’t make me change who I am

I’m no one's everything

I’m no angelic dream

I have no heart to give away

And love's a game I just won’t play


You say you need to need someone

You believe in that number one

True love

And I say you’ve been deprived of

Reality, sanity, and everything in between



I’m no one's everything and no angelic dream

I will not cry in front of you

And you will never see my scars

There They're barricaded by fences, wires, and walls

But why don’t you see?



You’re my angelic dream

My absolute everything

You’re my someone to fight for

And if you can make it through the wire

Jump over the fence

And storm through every single wall

You’ll see



I have a heart after all

I’ll be your strength not to fall

You can cry with me and let me be your everything

If you do I promise



I'll cry with you

You’ll see my scars

If you’ll fight for me, I’ll fight for you

You can gain half my heart

The other has Remove. Or make it "half". beat for you from the start



I’m a warrior who can wait

For the battle to end

And leave the rest up to fate

I have a heart you need to mend

And ill I'll be your warrior past the end



I’m a warrior and your best friend

And you are my someone to fight for


You have some very lovely lines in here, though many of them ("I have a heart you need to mend", "beat for you from the start", "My absolute everything", "In hope that all my dreams might just come true", et cetera.) sound cliche. This is the problem with both lyrics and poetry; it's hard to be original. Now some of your other lines make your potential pretty clear, being more original, but you need to incorporate some of that potential into the rest of the song in order to get the effect you're looking for.

Hope I helped!

>>Annie<<
Ideas don't stay in heads very long because they don't like solitary confinement.
  





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Sun Jan 30, 2011 10:51 pm
outsidethebox says...



Razcoon has pretty much outlined all of your faults all in all it was a pretty good poem although you lost me the first three stanza's or so kinda contradicts the title as well as the ending it sounds like the narrator is filled with a cynical kind of emotion. but in the end he seems to be entirely selfless all in all it was a really wicked poem. It speaks with a great depth of emotion.
Emancipate yourself from mental slavery no one but you can free your minds- Bob Marley

The mind is a terrible thing to waste! - United Negro College Fund
  





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Points: 3696
Reviews: 58
Sun Jan 30, 2011 11:54 pm
Ktg17 says...



I really liked this. It made me smile.
Of course its not perfect, but really, what is? :)
I can defintely imagine this as a song. The emotion seemed very.... real. Unlike other lyrics I've read, I could really get into these. The nitpicks are already stated above, so I won't repeat them again.
Great Job!!!
Even if you see in black and white, think in color...
  





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Thu Feb 10, 2011 6:54 pm
lele253isme says...



I love it . it has a sentimentil feeling
  





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Fri Feb 11, 2011 8:20 pm
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HHemayed says...



Wow!I love it,it's so amazing.I think it's perfect.Well done:)
To be alive is not to breathe, eat or drink. It's your ability to prove your existence.
  





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74 Reviews



Gender: Female
Points: 1834
Reviews: 74
Wed Mar 30, 2011 1:17 am
snowberry23 says...



Well, I wanted to post this and have all of you read it before I flat out stated what it's about, but I’m talking about my mom and one of my really good friends because they both met a horrible fate, but I honestly really appreciate all the comments and corrections, and please keep reading my work guys, and I’ll keep reading all of yours! So, again, thank you!
When nothing goes right, go left
  





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Gender: Male
Points: 1040
Reviews: 29
Thu Mar 31, 2011 1:19 am
dregymayfield says...



I\'m a bit more cynical with this piece. Razcoon pointed out all of the flaws that were scattered within this piece. This just came off being too cliche\' and some portions of it were confusing. For instance, I gathered that the person was singing about or to their best friend, yet at some parts the person acts like they don\'t want to fall in love at all...not with the best friend, but with anyone. Which really doesn\'t make much sense...one part of him is saying he will fight for his/her bestfriend but then pointlessly goes on about not wanting to fall in love with anyone and be their \"anything\". Maybe I misunderstood the lyric wrong, but that\'s what I got out from it.
  








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