Young Writers Society

This was a time away
From my own self-pitiful place
She was my find today
From afar of mind numbing space
And I slept right next to her
I didn’t know her well
But she wanted forever
And have it all to dwell

I look at the stars
Yes, I look at the stars
To see, to want, to know
Something
Maybe nothing
I don’t really know
Do you, my dear?
I am, I am confused

~Chorus
Oh Life makes me feel as high as the stars
Then life brings me down like a meteor
Yes, life makes me feel as high as high
Then brings me down like a meteor
Down like a meteor
I’m always going down like a meteor

(We go up, and then we go down)
(We go up, and then we go down)

Her lips say “Take me there.”
To a place where no one has freed
Much cold thoughts anywhere
And her hand slowly touches me
And she crept right next to me
She doesn’t know me well
I craved her intimacy
Forever in a spell

I look at the sea
Yes, I look at the sea
To feel, to heal, to know
One thing
Maybe more things
I don’t really know
Do you, sweet dear?
I am, I am perplexed

Honestly, I want to take you to bed now
I don’t give a fuck if we belong to another
Being true has twisted itself as it drowned
I need a need and that need is you
Please feed my need to feed
I’ll feed your need as well
Your mind and body’s greed
I’m rich going to hell

--> aww! nice rhythm! :3

This was good, interesting too.
Some of it seems like you were just trying to ryhme and not make sense.
But other than that it was really good.
I liked it.
Hope this helps (:

Great job! You have wonderful rhythm here; the words just flow together. :) The only comment I have is that I enjoyed the verses more than I did the chorus. Which, I realize that the chorus changes, but usually if the chorus stays the same then that's the part you want to spend the most time on since it repeats. So you did a fantastic job on this! :) Adding a bridge would also be nice because it's a good song and I'd like it to be longer. Keep writing!

This is the chorus and it stays the same:

Oh Life makes me feel as high as the stars

Then life brings me down like a meteor

Yes, life makes me feel as high as high

Then brings me down like a meteor

Down like a meteor

I’m always going down like a meteor

There are two bridges that lead into the chorus the first one starts off with "..I look at the stars" and the second one is "I look at the seas"

Thanks to Snoink I was able to fix the double spacing thing