Young Writers Society

So, Maybe I wrote this for my dad, when I was just a little annoyed at him <3

Back to basics

13 Years have gone by,

Not a day have you not been at my side,

Even when I was too young to remember.

December, to November.


But, it wasn’t just her who made the mistakes,

Twice before, once again,

Your excuse,

I was young and vulnerable.


And now, in the same home,

The conversation is barely there,

I wonder if you ever thought like me,

What it would be like,

Back to basics.


And now im old enough,

To get by on my own,

No arms behind me,

To keep me standing.


What you can’t see is,

The memory’s are still there,

I was young, but I remembered.

These emotions are nothing new.


And now, in the same home,

The conversation is barely there,

I wonder if you ever thought like me,

What it would be like,

Back to basics.


Locked in my room,

You don’t know what to do.

Just because I’ve grown up.

Im still the same.


You say ‘don’t hide how you feel’

I wouldn’t,

If you didn’t lie there, watching a ball,

Being passed from player to player.


And now, in the same home,

The conversation is barely there,

I wonder if you ever thought like me,

What it would be like,

Back to basics.


I don’t see the point at all

Hey Rebs! Here to review. ^^

First things first. This is amazing. Such an interesting choice of lyrics! And man, I feel you on his one. I can relate. Oh, I can relate, definitely. I like the flow and the rythym, the imagery too. It's truly amazing. I love the chorus and how you keep repeating it. It really draws in one's attention.

As for nitpicking. Only one so far and that's "memory’s". Are you talking about one memory or a lot? Cause if it's a lot, it's memories. *looks for more* Oh, and "im" should be "I'm". 'I am' when condensed has a little ' between the 'I' and the 'M'. *nods* Just remember to check your spelling and the different words, like their/there/they're, etc. They all sound the same but have different meanings.

Overall, these are brilliant lyrics. I really love that last line and the whole 'back to basics' idea. Very nice. I adore this. *clicks like* Thanks for the amazing lyrics, Rebi. Keep it up and never stop writing!

~Scar.

...Asking me to review this was...well, I can't review this. It's actually good. xD *clicks like* You had some spelling and grammar issues up there, but Scar already pointed them out. In addition to that, spelling and grammar doesn't really affect something meant to be heard and not read. Nice job, I really liked these. xD

Sorry I couldn't rip them apart!

>>Annie<<

Yo Rebimoso, here as you requested me to be. ;D

First off, I will say that I like this quite a lot. The emotion is obvious, and it didn't seem nearly as angsty as I was expecting. (Usually I would rant about how much I hate teenage angst - especially towards parents and relationships, but this piece for some reason doesn't seem to need it.)

I did, however have a few nitpicks. Such as:

Geronimo wrote:December, to November.

I didn't understand why this was put here. Obviously, you're trying to show that time is moving, but it seemed a bit forced to me. Also, November comes before December, unless you were talking about one December and November the next year.... which would still seem forced.

Geronimo wrote:And now im old enough,

Um. I'm guessing you mean 'I'm'? Please, don't forget to do that. It is, after all, literary work. (I noticed you did that somewhere else, too, but I'm having issues finding it. So.)

Otherwise, though, I really did like this.

~~Ishy