Young Writers Society

I.
It was a summer when I fell in love
I'm walking alone, eyes down
And suddenly I bumped into you
You said sorry but it's really my fault
Then I wondered, I'm not sure
If I have seen you before

You walked up to your porch
There were boxes around
You carried one in your arms
And you managed to look at me one more time
Right then I prayed that God would make you mine

But now as I look back to that day
You know I can still hear the words I said

[chorus]
Hey girl next door, can you tell me your name?
I felt a little different since the day you came into my life
And I know that this might sound crazy
But I wanna know you more
'Cause you stole my heart, girl next door

II.
You were so quiet but I fell in love
Just looking at you, your eyes
They're smiling every once in a while
You were the princess in this fairy tale
And for the prince, if you let me
Then forever yours I will be

But you ignored what I feel, and I still recall
I threw rocks at your window
But you turned out your light
And I know, if you have been the Juliet
I'll never be your Romeo

But now I laugh as I look back and live in the past
I guess I should have known that we'll never last

It was a summer when I feel in love
I'm walking alone, eyes down
And suddenly I bumped into you
But I know, if you have been the Juliet
I'll never be your Romeo

Hey girl next door, can you tell me your name?
I felt a little different since the day you came into my life
And I know that this might sound crazy
But I wanna know you more
'Cause you stole my heart, girl

I'm just next door and I'm waiting in vain
Dreaming of that moment when you'll come up to me to say "hi"
And I know that this might sound funny
But I'm not like this before
Till you came and stayed, girl next door


--
reflections:
>i wrote this because a guy moved next door to us, and i engaged in a short conversation with him (asking his name, of course. ) and then i came up with the idea of writing a song. is it okay?
>what do you think of the persona, being a guy? will it be better if the speaker is a girl, and the appropriate title be "Boy Next Door"?
>tell me what you think. i'll appreciate the reviews.

This is really really great. I love this because I can relate so much to it. I like the way you actually used the wording right and I actually thought it was a boy who was the person writing. You do have great talent, keep it up. Nothing I can see wrong here at all either.

Hope that helps x

This is awesome.... Well done mate...
Well written....
I would love to sing it if i have a tune....
I loved it a lot....
Keep up the great work...
PM me for anything...

I really enjoyed this song. Even though I don't know the tune, the chorus seems like it could be really catchy. The topic of this is pretty cliche (boy meets girl, falls in love), but you did enough with it to seem at least a little original (and really, humans will never get tired of listening to love songs.

However, the verses and overall flow of them seemed a bit choppy to me. Without knowing the tune, it's really hard to say if this is actually a problem, but as I was humming along, there were a lot of times when the lines seemed to long, or were supposed to rhyme.

For example, the first verse only rhymes are the last two lines of the second stanza, and the last little part didn't...
Bold = rhymes
Italics = Does not rhyme

It was a summer when I fell in love
I'm walking alone, eyes down
And suddenly I bumped into you
You said sorry but it's really my fault
Then I wondered, I'm not sure
If I have seen you before

You walked up to your porch
There were boxes around
You carried one in your arms
And you managed to look at me one more time
Right then I prayed that God would make you mine

But now as I look back to that day
You know I can still hear the words I said

While in the second verse, the last two of the first stanza rhyme, and the last little part also rhymed...

You were so quiet but I fell in love
Just looking at you, your eyes
They're smiling every once in a while
You were the princess in this fairy tale
And for the prince, if you let me
Then forever yours I will be

But you ignored what I feel, and I still recall
I threw rocks at your window
But you turned out your light
And I know, if you have been the Juliet
I'll never be your Romeo

But now I laugh as I look back and live in the past
I guess I should have known that we'll never last

So my suggestion would to be to try and get a definite rhyme scheme, instead of jumping around. That way, it will flow better, and be a better song.

i apologize, but this will be a short review.
I really liked this! It was cute and sweet and I think people can really relate.
I love little love songs, and this was cute.
The nitpicks have all already been stated above so I will not repeat them.
Great job!

awww i like it. she is very lucky

I loved it I love love love it. Mucho talent. I also love the sentimental feeling that I get. That song is soooooooooooooo true

Hi! I'll do my best with this review
Honestly, I thought it was cute, but not much above that. To me, the concept is too cliche- boy meeting girl and wanting to know everything about her on first sight. There's just not enough here to make it interesting for me. I was kind of expecting it to me more like a story, maybe like he gets to know her and then gets horribly dumped or something that will throw us for a spin and bring some meaning into the tune. But that's just me, most people are happy with a cute, catchy song, and I'm sure you have an awesome beat for it in your head that I just can't hear.
So the concept is good, but maybe you could tweak it a little to make it stand out.
Oh, and I have an easier time picturing this as a 'boy next door' song. For the beginning stanzas, I was imagining the narrator as a girl.
Hope I helped! Any questions, send me a PM!
~blacksheep