Young Writers Society

He's there he's there
I feel him everywhere
I want to run
Coz' I just know i just know

They say look around
theres no one to be found
But they dont know
They just dont know

That the bad mans coming around
He'll scare us out of this town
When the bad man comes to town
I said the bad mans coming around
He'll scare us out of this town
When the bad man comes around

They say relax relax
No one will attack
But im sure ive seen this all before
All before

Why i fear
Only I can hear
I dont know i just dont know
In my house
Im hiding like a mouse
But im sure ive seen this all before
All before
I know for sure

That the bad mans coming around
He'll scare us out of this towm
when the bad man comes to town
I said the bad mans coming around
He'll scare us out of this town
When the bad man comes around

He came, they fled
I knew they would regret
They would regret
So im here alone
With no one to behold
What happened here
Ill never know ill never know

I guess the bad man came around
he scared them out of this town
When the bad man came around
He took this town, he took this town x2

I love the idea! It's a bit weird but aI love it. You make me laugh honestly! I like what you've got here, but looking at it I can see loads of spelling mistakes . Be careful wen you post the poem you are careful with the structure because it reads like one continuous flow of verse.

carameldreams wrote:He's there he's thereDramatic, but it sounds forced.
I feel him everywhereI like this, is it wrong this poem remids me of Santa?
I want to run
Coz' I just know i just knowMajor grammar error "coz" sort it out

They say look around
theres no one to be found
But they dont know
They just dont knowI like this verse!!!

That the bad mans coming around
He'll scare us out of this town
When the bad man comes to town
I said the bad mans coming around
He'll scare us out of this town
When the bad man comes around I like the chorus, but you need to include punctuation to enforce some sort of structure to it.

They say relax relax
No one will attack
But im sure ive seen this all beforespelling error.
All before

Why i fearCapital I. This sounds off. Only the first line though. The rest is sweeeet!!!
Only I can hear
I dont know i just dont know

(I feel you should separate this verse

In my house
Im hiding like a mouseCute!!
But im sure ive seen this all before
All before
I know for sureOoh I like it!

That the bad mans coming around
He'll scare us out of this towm
when the bad man comes to town
I said the bad mans coming around
He'll scare us out of this town
When the bad man comes around

He came, they fled
I knew they would regret
They would regret
So im here alone
With no one to behold
What happened here
Ill never know ill never know Spelling error again. This verse seems forced. You need to go over the song at least five times before you post it. Sing it to yourself does it sound right?

I guess the bad man came around
he scared them out of this town
When the bad man came around
He took this town, he took this town x2 I love the last verse!!!

I loved the idea of the song, I loved some of your snappy lines, but I feel like you need to slow down when writing and go over it because the flow sounded a little off. All in all I loved the song and I can't wait to read more. From this I can tell you have talent and you should definitly strive with this because I have faith you will make a great song-writer!
xxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxMuch Love Pop!!!!

Alrighty then. First things first: as popatemyheart1994 already pointed out, you have a lot of spelling mistakes. Coupled with the spacing (which I will cover in a bit more depth a little later), this made these lyrics difficult to read and understand. And that you have no punctuation at all made things even more difficult.

The spelling is an easy fix, and so all I will say on the matter is: fix it.

As far as spacing is concerned, there is no way to tell where one verse ends and the other begins. This is because every line has a space in between separating it from the next. The lack of clear verse endings/beginnings made finding the flow of this song very difficult to find. I suggest you go back and reformat this, grouping lines that are in the same verse while putting an extra space in between verses to separate them. For example:

Line 1
Line 2
Line 3

Line 4
Line 5
Line 6

Doing so will make these lyrics much easier to read.

As for punctuation, you need it. Badly. I've included some punctuation suggestions using the first two (or what seems to be) verses below. Corrections are in bold.

He's there. (He's there.)
I feel him everywhere.
I want to run
'cause I just know (I just know)
That the bad man's coming around.

They say "Look around.
There's no one to be found."
But they don't know,
They just don't know,
That the bad man's coming around.

The words (in parentheses) are echoes. You can take them out if you wish. In any case, I think you'll agree that the above is much easier to read and understand.

carameldreams wrote:He's there he's there
I feel him everywhere
I want to run
Coz' I just know i just know fix "coz

They say look around
theres no one to be found There's
But they dont know
They just dont know

That the bad mans coming around
He'll scare us out of this town
When the bad man comes to town
I said the bad mans coming around
He'll scare us out of this town
When the bad man comes around

They say relax relax
No one will attack
But im sure ive seen this all before I'm sure I've seen
All before

Why i fear I fear
Only I can hear
I dont know i just dont know I just don't know
In my house
Im hiding like a mouse
But im sure ive seen this all before I've seen
All before
I know for sure

That the bad mans coming around
He'll scare us out of this towm
when the bad man comes to town When
I said the bad mans coming around
He'll scare us out of this town
When the bad man comes around

He came, they fled
I knew they would regret
They would regret
So im here alone I'm
With no one to behold
What happened here
Ill never know ill never know I'll never know I'll never know

I guess the bad man came around
he scared them out of this town He
When the bad man came around
He took this town, he took this town x2

Fix those, and It would be great ^-^

who's the bad man and what's he going to do?