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Young Writers Society


How's the weather



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159 Reviews



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Points: 7386
Reviews: 159
Wed Feb 09, 2011 5:52 pm
MeanMrMustard says...



Not satisfied with progression, some of the intended implications may not be visceral enough, I think some of the lines are too wordy (i.e. "finally thought to write" seems like a mess imo). Maybe that's just me. As for meter or beat or whatever...not sure as of now. I can hear a 2/2 time with some stops and perhaps a little bit of 4/4 mixed in...around adagio or perhaps a slow allegro (can't think the term at the moment!). Probably intended to be play with acoustic guitar, maybe a duet. That's what I'm thinking.



I'm writing you a letter
Or maybe it's a song
And before too long
I'll probably get it all wrong


The other day
I had your picture in my hand
And all the words to say
Just flew by on their way
And when I finally thought to write
All I got was “How's the weather?”


-chorus-
Oh, I wish I could talk to you
Oh, how I wish I could see you
But between a thousand miles
I'll just settle and just maybe give you a smile


Maybe it's true and I'll never see you
Don't I know this road darling
I've walked the long lonely way before
so many times before
so many times before
oh, so many times before
Just this time I'm thinking of walking back


-chorus-
Oh, I wish I could talk to you
Oh, how I wish I could see you
But between a thousand miles
I'll just settle and just maybe give you a smile


Not certain about the repeat with "before/ so many times before/...." how it would sound sung. Just for fun.





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Thu Feb 10, 2011 3:44 am
squabett says...



Maybe it's true and I'll never see you

Don't I know this road darling

I've walked the long lonely way before

so many times before <<<< i think u didn't capadailze the "s"

so many times before <<<< i think u didn't capadailze the "s"

oh, so many times before

Just this time I'm thinking of walking back





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Thu Feb 10, 2011 7:18 pm
lele253isme says...



not that good





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159 Reviews



Gender: Male
Points: 7386
Reviews: 159
Fri Feb 11, 2011 3:51 am
MeanMrMustard says...



lele253isme wrote:not that good


Fair enough, but can you back up the opinion? It's not that I disagree, I've given my opinion above that it's not developed enough, and I'd like to see why you think it's not good. If not, you're not giving a review.








That's how we should measure our lives. Not in distance traveled, or time passed, or worlds conquered, but in moments... and the rush of joy—of grace—that exists within them.
— Megatron (Lost Light, by Roberts, Lawrence, Lafuente)