Young Writers Society

Okay, we've all gotten the idea that I don't do well with titles. Sorry about that. Anyway, this is a song that I wrote for my band -- it's going to be primarily if not only piano-accompanied. I've removed certain repeat choruses, because I, er, don't really see the point of them being here when it's about the quality and not the sound Format is verse-v-prechorus-chorus-v-pc-c-bridge-pc-c-pc. That's . . . odd, looking back, but I'll stick with it. Feedback is extremely welcome. Extremely.
____________

Where are you running to?
November gets so cold when you're just trying not to fall
I figure it's not Wonderland
when the wind creeps through the rabbit hole you kicked into the wall
I crawled between a different scene; you told me that you'd call.
-
And everything gets worse
As they send stars down through the chimney, just to smother us
And upstairs they play songs about the World Wars
I never would have made it far, if you hadn't taught me how
I meant to say, you shouldn't stay -- it's even colder now.
-
And there might be
a thousand ways
to fix whatever we've done,
we could try every single one;
-
Or we could forget all the things that you told her,
we could stay right here, we could never get older
just watch all the soldiers play war with their brothers
like kids even though none of us have been kids in so long
And you used to write letters that you never sent
That said you'd get out of this place,
but I never knew which place you meant
Not even when you left.
-
The winter's eating at
the day and night, like termites with teeth in wooden bookends
we're bouncing sounds through the hallways
Tying ribbons around mannequins to see if they're like friends
who'll leave us by December, with a million holes to mend.
-
And there might be
a thousand ways
to fix whatever we've done,
we could try every single one;
-
Or we could forget all the things that you told her,
we could stay right here, we could never get older
just watch all the soldiers play war with their brothers
like kids even though none of us have been kids in so long
And you used to write letters that you never sent
That said you'd get out of this place,
but I never knew which place you meant
Not even when you left.
-
We would hide beneath the whispers that they traded
Working every day just to pay for that apartment I hated;
and I'd say so, with my eyes closed
wishing on a dying star;
and they told you it was something -- like catching lightning in a jar,
so maybe it was for the novelty that you never let me get too far.
-
And there might be
a thousand ways
to fix whatever we've done,
we could try every single one;
We could end this
sealed with a kiss
that could only mean goodbye
-
Or we could forget all the things that you told her,
we could stay right here, we could never get older
just watch all the soldiers play war with their brothers
like kids even though none of us have been kids in so long
And you used to write letters that you never sent
That said you'd get out of this place,
but I never knew which place you meant
Not even when you left.
-
And there might be
a thousand ways
to fix whatever we've done;
some glue, a smoking gun,
we could try every single one--
we could try every single one.

nice...custom work...Loved it!!! keep it going..!!

Alright! First off, hello Nikki! Second, I am currently too busy (loaded with homework) to review. Later, I'll edit in any comments/remarks/suggestions/rip-apart-reviewness I may have for you. Y'know...at a time when I'm less busy than I am at the present moment.

That being said, this is good! I DO have some suggestions which, as I said, I will edit in later.

>>Annie<<

I never really review actual song lyrics, simply because I need to hear it with music first. Sometimes it's not just about the words, especially when there's a piano to back'em all up But from what I've read, I think this is a great song. If you ever become famous and kick Kesha off of her high seat, I'll love you forever. x)

Well I clicked on this at first, because I noticed the title of a Guns N' Roses song. But I read your opening explanation, and saw that you simply lacked your own title. I liked these lyrics as soon as I read into the first stanzas, and I hope you guys put some cool melody behind these words. Dramatic, original, interesting. Keep it up!