Young Writers Society

I've been writing lyrics for quite a while now. But I don't seem to get better. But here's my latest one. Hope you enjoy it

Thinking blank

"I don't know" is all I've written on the wall
And then just when I think I wrote it all
I think of you and everything goes wrong

My head begins to turn around
I explode without making a sound
and then I hit the ground

I don't know
what to think
What to feel
I don't know
why it's me
why it's you
I'm thinking blank

"I don't know" is all you say to me at last
I don't know why I got into this so fast
I don't know and everything goes wrong

A fine line crawls around my head
It tricks me and makes me fall instead
And my heart feels busted

I don't know
what to think
What to feel
I don't know
why it's me
why it's you
I'm thinking blank

Now at last
I seem to know
All I thought I knew wasn't even there at all
Who we are
and who we're not
A fine, fine line is all that tips us on one side

I don't know
what to think
What to feel
I don't know
why it's me
why it's you
I'm thinking blank

{thinking blank
or thinking clear?}

Hey there!

I liked it although, There were a couple of rough spots for me. I really wish I could hear the music to it, if you have some in your head, because that always makes reading lyrics easier for me, but i tried to make some up! When sung to my imaginary tune it sounded pretty good, but there were a couple times when it sounded a bit like you were trying to hard for the rhyme such as right here :

"A fine line crawls around my head

It tricks me and makes me fall instead"

I also feel like the refain could be a little bit longer, but that is very much your preference. Well keep working at it and you'll be great!

Wow. This is like, really cool. Good job.

It's always hard to review lyrics because you can't hear the music that goes with them. There's only one line that bothers me, and it's this one:

And my heart feels busted

It doesn't fit in with the overall flow of the song, or for that matter, fit well with the previous line. It's too short and just seems otu of place.

That's all I found! Nice job. ^^

-Hawks-

I'm gonna make this quick and short.

But that was truly incredible. I could imagine the beat in my head, and the words flowed perectly together.
You know how sometimes, it seems like poems or lyrics have been forced to rhyme ?
Yours wasn't like that at all. It was well written, so that it didn't have an awkard pauses, yet it still managed to not seem forced.
I really was half and half on seeing where you were going with this, it was kind of a blur.
But I still think it was written in a way where anyone can put themselves in that certain place and relate to it.
Absolutley amazing.
Keep on writing ! I'd love to see more !

mmmm heartbreak,
such a motivator right?
This kinda made me wanna cry a little.
Just cause as you would put it I don't know and "my heart feels busted"
I adore this though, quite a lot.