Young Writers Society

What a shame it is that I cant apologize,
you held my hand through thick and thin but I just make u cry.
You take them so seriously and furiously i'm in the wrong,
all you want is for me to take back my words I never meant all along.

So I clear out my mind I need to say something but the words fall too short,
and I'm thinking inside what happen to those days when things in life were simplier.

[chorus]
I wanna stop now!
Hit hard on that rewind button,
hold my breath lets do this again.
Get back to those smiles, aware of my actions.
Guess I was less stupid then.
When I said what I meant & meant what I said.
Where did those moments go!
I wanna stop now!
Rewind and do it again.


What a shame there's a fog in the air again,
with the weight of a million.
My eyes all dried out and my lips sealed shut,
because this time I know i'm the villian.

So I pick a fight to covor up my lies and fall down on my words.
Praying out loud that things can just be simplier

[Chorus]
I wanna stop now!
Hit hard on that rewind button,
hold my breath lets do this again.
Get back to those smiles, aware of my actions.
Guess I was less stupid then.
When I said what I meant & meant what I said.
Where did those moments go!
I wanna stop now!
Rewind and do it again.


When I called you mommy and was afraid to talk on the telephone.
When we used to skip school and sing along to the radio.
But we mess and cry,
and we yell and we fight.
All I wanted.
Ooh I all I wanted,

[Chorus]
I want to stop now!
Hit hard on that rewind button,
hold my breath lets do this again.
Get back to those smiles, aware of my actions.
Guess I was less stupid then.
When I said what I meant & meant what I said.
Where did those moments go!
I wanna stop now!
Rewind and do it again.


Rewind and do it again.

Hi and wow,
I really like these lyrics, they conveyed a lot of emothion through the words however there were a few little mistakes which I noticed.

What a shame it is that I cant apologize,

you held my hand through thick and thin but I just make u cry.

You take them so seriously and furiously i'm in the wrong,

all you want is for me to take back my words I never meant all along.

So I clear out my mind I need to say something but the words fall too short,

and I'm thinking inside what happen to those days when things in life were simplier.

So, let's begin with the positive. This was an incredible first few lines to begin your piece and they gave a reader a bit of information about what is going on, from what I guessed so far, it is about a relationship in which you're in the wrong and trying to apoligize. However you didn't give away too much and that left me clinging for more.
Now, onto the nit-picks, is 'simplier' a word? Either is isn't or I need to upgrade my dictionary! Try to vary your punctuation as it all seems a bit continious and boring. Remember that if you or going to shorten two words such as 'do' and 'not' into one to become 'don't', you have to include an apostrophe otherwise it just looks untidy and like you wrote it in a rush and didn't care about correct spelling and grammar. Finally, I was saying this to myself and it seemed as if there wasn't a regular beat or pattern in which I had to follow, it was like you had just typed in some deeped, meaningful word, tried to make them rhyme and then posted. Read it to yourself and make sure that there is the correct number of syllables in each sentence so that it becomes a regular pattern and more memorable. Trust me, I make this mistake a lot myself.

[chorus]

I wanna stop now!

Hit hard on that rewind button,

hold my breath lets do this again.

Get back to those smiles, aware of my actions.

Guess I was less stupid then.

When I said what I meant & meant what I said.

Where did those moments go!

I wanna stop now!

Rewind and do it again.

I thought that this chorus was really strong, like they should be and if, like before, there was a regular beat then it would be very memorable. I also like the way which you repeated the words in the sentence: 'When I said what I meant and meant what I said.' I really like it when people do that however I believe that there is a thin line which tells you when to stop as too much will just make the lyrics become tacky and childish.

What a shame there's a fog in the air again,

with the weight of a million.

My eyes all dried out and my lips sealed shut,

because this time I know i'm the villian.

So I pick a fight to covor up my lies and fall down on my words.

Praying out loud that things can just be simplier

Again, 'simplier' isn't a word, I think you may have been aiming for 'simpler' which is correct. I also noticed a few other silly spelling mistakes which I'm sure you know how to spell correctly however make sure you read over your work and check it. Also, I'm not sure if these were your intentions, but in the first verse you rhymed a few words however here, you didn't. If you are going to rhyme your words always make sure that it is consistent and that you don't miss sentences out because you 'couldn't be bothered'. If you don't want to rhyme then stay clear of it all the time. Otherwise it can seem a bit confusing for the reader and personally, I love a bit of rhyme but if it's not consistent, then it's tacky.

When I called you mommy and was afraid to talk on the telephone.

When we used to skip school and sing along to the radio.

But we mess and cry,

and we yell and we fight.

All I wanted.

Ooh I all I wanted,

The last sentence in this doesn't make sense, again, you need to read over your work. I also just realised that you must be American because you spell it 'mommy' so if I've picked up on something which doesn't actually apply to you, then I'm really sorry.

Anyway, overall, it has some real potential to make a good song/poem however remember to read over your work, try to vary your punctuation and keep a regular pattern.