Young Writers Society

hi every body this is my first song hope you like it

I know what can I do
Don’t tell me I am no use
Becouse i am full of potenial,
I will show you who I am
You can’t block me, no you can’t ,
No, no, no, you won’t put me down
I will show you who I really am,
I will surprise you sure I am,
I will show you how I deal
With every block in my way
There is no stopping me now
You will see how will I be,
I will reach the very far stars,
I will change how every body see
The girl every body call me,
I will show you how can I rise,
I will be who I want to be
There is no stopping me now
No more distactions, no more fears
No more crying, no more tears
No more broken hearts
From tomorrow I am ganna start
Throwing you behind my back
I am going to make you past
I am finally free
You can’t play me now
I am not the same girl I used to be
I will start living now
I ignored my hopes,
I ignored my dreams
I always had low self esteem
I blocked every body away from me,
Just to let you be here beside me
But I am finally free
You control me by the name of love
No body can control me now
You used me just to rise,
To have your dreams come true
No more of this I am sick of you
I am ganna make my dreams come true
So bye bye for now,
bye bye for now

I know what can I do

If you are trying to say you know what you are capable of, I suggest you say, 'I know what I can do' and not 'I know what can I do.'
Imagen you are standing in public and your left breast stuck out your shirt. You want to stick it back in but someone tied your hands behind your back. No one wants to help you. A guy passes by and says, 'hey. your breast is sticking out'. THEN, you may say, "I know, (shrugging) what can I do." lol.

Becouse

Spelling error. It's Becoz, not becouse. lol.

The girl every body call me

What they call you is a continuous action. It should be 'calls'. . . I think. Maybe I'm wrong.

I will show you how can I rise,

Again, this is the same mistake as the one I pointed out at the begining of the review. It should be 'I willshow you how I can rise.'

From tomorrow I am ganna start
Throwing you behind my back

And while you're at it, throw 'ganna' behind your back too. You'll have a better relationship with 'gonna' or 'going to'. Infact, to hell with all of them. Just say, 'From tomorrow, I'm throwing you behind my back.

You control me by the name of love

This is a very good line. well said.

sherineahmed wrote:I know what can I do 'can I', or 'I can'?
Don’t tell me I am no use
Becouse i am full of potenial, Because I. Capitalize your 'I's.
I will show you who I am
You can’t block me, no you can’t,
No, no, no, you won’t put me down
I will show you who I really am,
I will surprise you sure I am, <<I'll be completely honest, I don't get this.
I will show you how I deal
With every block in my way Block sounds odd. Try barrier or something.
There is no stopping me now
You will see how will I be,
I will reach the very far stars,
I will change how every body see everybody sees
The girl every body call me, everybody calls
I will show you how can I rise, 'I can'?
I will be who I want to be
There is no stopping me now
No more distactions, no more fears distractions
No more crying, no more tears
No more broken hearts
From tomorrow I am ganna start gonna/going to
Throwing you behind my back
I am going to make you past
I am finally free
You can’t play me now
I am not the same girl I used to be
I will start living now
I ignored my hopes,
I ignored my dreams
I always had low self esteem
I blocked every body away from me, everybody
Just to let you be here beside me
But I am finally free
You control me by the name of love
No body can control me now nobody
You used me just to rise,
To have your dreams come true
No more of this I am sick of you
I am ganna make my dreams come true gonna/going to
So bye bye for now,
bye bye for now

My overall opinion - I found the way you worded a lot of this confusing. Understandable, but a lot just wasn't grammatically correct. A little redundant too. Without the right tune, and even with, this would be hard to pull off. So, yeah, it could use work. I like your idea, though. Kudos on your first song, too! Songwriting is tough.