Young Writers Society

For those of you who don't know what the Seraphim refers to, the Seraphim are a hierarchy of angels commonly depicted as having flaming wings (and in some cases, four faces), and are generally regarded as the highest order of angels.

Hi there!
I really love all the imagery you use in this piece; it's memorable, and I'm intrigued to here the music behind it. Do you have a recording of it? Also in the chorus, do you mean "there we'll stay," and not "here" because you are taking this mystery person somewhere to the sands of time? Just a thought. All in all, I like the song. The lyrics are very poetic. Nice work!

Thank you! Now that I think about it, "there" instead of "here" sounds a lot better. And no, unfortunately I don't yet. But my band and I hope to make one soon!

On a side note, when you want to include an author's note, it's better to include it at the beginning/end of the piece rather than in a separate post. When people see that there's a reply to a lit thread, they assume it's a review, and so they're less likely to review your piece (since there are often other pieces with no reviews).

Also, if you have a piece that you want/need more reviews on, you can request some in the Will Review for Food forum. Just remember that there's a maximum of four requests at a time, and you'll be fine. :D

Something to look for while picking reviewers is to look for the badges under the person's name. There are two reviewing badges: Reviewer 1 and Reviewer 2. Requesting a review from someone with a Reviewer badge means you're practically guaranteed to get a great one as those with Reviewer badges are among the best reviewers on the site.

That said, onto the review!

Pulsating with the energy of a universe
A universe solely of our existence
A universe that’s purely ours

The repetition of "a universe" here was a bit much, I felt, especially since you had two of them right next to each other. I think this would work better if you cut out the second universe repetition, maybe replacing it with something else.

So take my hand
And I’ll take you there
The sands of time
Exist if you dare

"Exist if you dare" sounds awkward to me. I think changing this to "To the sands of time / If you dare" sounds better and flows more smoothly. Then again, I don't have the benefit of listening to the melody...

There we’ll stay
Together again
There we’ll stay
Together again

I just had to say that I really liked this repetition.

They unleash these loathsome truths

You already have "unleashed" earlier on in the verse, so "unleash" comes across as a bit repetitive. I suggest using "release" instead.

It is here that holds the answers
To all unanswered questions
It is here that holds the truths
To all faithless lies

I think that having the "the"s makes these lines flow better. It also makes them more immediately understandable.

Before this event we shall all reprise

"Reprise" is misused here. Essentially, you're saying that before this event, we must repeat, but repeat what? And why?

Overall, you had a very solid rhythm to this, and this flowed wonderfully. In addition, I liked the images you used, especially in the second verse. So good job. :D