Young Writers Society

~Chorus~
When the gates of hell were opened.
and the demon cannibals were summoned.
when the skies were darkened and released upon me vultures.
and acid rain fell down from the stars.
were they landed on my face eroding my skin.
till all that they left behind was a decimated dream.
Where were you?

Verse1
A dream poisoned by artificial light.
and a desire to be perfect in mother natures eyes.
Were the doubts chained down my sanity
And left me to wonder in a maze of uncertainty.
Haunted by the eyes that roar with anger.
Chased into the mists by a sacred lover.
.


When the blue sky becomes tainted with anger
And became a grave for a forgotten infatuated lover.
Where were you?

~Chorus repeat~
What have you done?


To the world of rainbows and butterflies.
Were you suffocated the sun and oppressed it till it fell into the depths.
Bounding all in its shadow and bounding all in the past.
Beckoning all the life that lingers in the dead.
Despoiling the pure innocence which once was in my head.

When the blue sky became tainted with anger
And became a grave for a forgotten infatuated lover.
Where were you?
~Chorus repeat~


where were you to guide me through the open doors?
to reveal to me once again a world which you've dispelled me from.
oh how i wish to be in your arms,
instead of painting the past on my palms.
have your claws pierce my skin like before.
oh how i wish to find the open doors.
my loving heart.
now forever bound in the dark.


you say you love but where were you?
When the blue sky became tainted with anger
And became a grave for a forgotten infatuated lover.
Where were you?
~Chorus~
When the gates of hell were opened.
and the demon cannibals were summoned.
when the skies were darkened and released upon me vultures.
and acid rain fell down from the stars.
were they landed on my face eroding my skin.
till all that they left behind was a decimated dream.

This is really good. Just a couple things:

when the skies were darkened and released upon me vultures.

This would be worded better as "when the skies darkened and realeased vultures upon me"

And became a grave for a forgotten infatuated lover.

AHH! Too many syllables. I'd take out "infatuated": it's not really necessary.

to reveal to me once again a world which you've dispelled me from.

Once again, too many syllables. I'm not sure how you should re-word this, but it needs re-wording.

Also you use "Were" (past tense of "are") a lot where I think you mean "Where" (as in location). You might also want to eliminate "demon" from the second line of the chorus. It seems a little wordy, but maybe that's because I can't hear the music.

A dream poisoned by artificial light.
and a desire to be perfect in mother natures eyes.
Were the doubts chained down my sanity
And left me to wonder in a maze of uncertainty.
Haunted by the eyes that roar with anger.
Chased into the mists by a sacred lover.

Love this verse. Good job!