z

Young Writers Society


Broken Hearts



User avatar
35 Reviews



Gender: Female
Points: 890
Reviews: 35
Wed Jan 24, 2007 12:14 am
moosiegirl says...



Whenever I'm on his bed,
With your old black hat hanging on my head...
I see you with Angie every day.
I want to mend my heart, make it go away.

CHORUS:

Broken hearts don't fit together,
Broken hearts just fade away.
You try to put them back together,
But the pieces slip away...

END CHORUS

I'm losing my mind,
I'm looking for you.
My hands are searching for the pieces,
Of you and your smile.

Those memories of your blue jeans,
and your ratty coat, the smell of sin.
I'm feeling like an empty bottle,
Come fill me up and drink awhile.

CHORUS

I won't be that girl,
I swear forever to this day.
You left me for that angel name,
The devil's masquerade.

CHORUSx2
Last edited by moosiegirl on Sun Feb 01, 2009 3:32 pm, edited 2 times in total.
  





User avatar
758 Reviews



Gender: Female
Points: 5890
Reviews: 758
Wed Jan 24, 2007 12:35 am
Cade says...



Gosh, get some punctuation in here! And capitalization and whatnot.
"I'll be that girl", great! You got that song by the Barenaked Ladies stuck in my head. Good music, theirs.
Yeah, this is nothing new. Some Kelly Clarkson chart-topper pop hit? Yeah, not going anywhere with these lyrics.
When you write lyrics, you generally don't include extra letters to show where you're drawing the notes out. You don't have to label the verses either. We can count.

Colleen
"My pet, I've been to the devil, and he's a very dull fellow. I won't go there again, even for you..."
  








Why do we only rest in peace? Why don't we live in peace too?
— Alison Billet