The problem with me is that I am an explosion of everything compacted into one small human. I am a ticking time bomb counting down the moments to my next heartbreak, and let me tell you, there isn't very much time on the clock. Some may call me a liability, never sure how much they can take before I break into a million pieces before their eyes.
I love too big, too fiercely. I love too much. That's always been a phrase that didn't make sense to me. How can one love too much? How can one say that it’s better for a human to give you only half of their love, only a percentage, rather than their all? Is that not what everyone wants? To be loved to the fullest?
It’s ironically necessary for me to wear a “Caution: Do Not Touch” sign although what I crave most is human contact. I feel as though my spirit might die in isolation, so which do I choose? Am I selfish, and continue to need the ones I hurt, or am I selfless? Do I lose myself to the black void of loneliness for the sake of those around me?
Somehow I know isolation is the only way to save everyone from my downfall. The scattered pieces of my heart like glass cut so deeply the ones I love, leaving us both with open wounds that seem to only sting worse with the salt of time. I am not myself without love, yet being selfish is not in my nature either.
So is there really no hope for me? I really am alone. - excerpt from a novel i’ll never write #14
elysian:(adj.) beautiful or creative; divinely inspired; peaceful and perfect.
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