Young Writers Society

Now, normally, I'm not one to post details of my private life, but I am just so very frustrated at the moment I need to vent to individuals I most likely will never meet in real life. Also, if you have advice, I welcome it. Ok, here goes:

This girl and I, lets call her "Jane", are in the same botany lab at school. We met through there, and we started talking and being freindly. I told her I was doing poorly and she wanted to help so she gave me my number. I called it, we studied, then we hung out just to hang out. Since then, we've hung out a couple times, and we have fun together. I know I have fun, and she seems to enjoy my company as well. Now, when I call her, she never answers her phone. I know for a fact that girls like it when guys call them, so I don't know whats up. We were supposed to hang out today after class, but she said she stayed up till 4 am writing a paper, she wanted to go home and sleep wich is understandable. We agreed that we were going to hang out later today, and that I should call her about 7. So, 7 oclock rolled around, I called her about 7 oclock. She doesnt pick up. I figure she's busy or something, and doesnt hear it ring or something. I wait about 45 minutes, and call again. No answer, I left a message, but still. Its seems to me, at least, I am getting mixed messages. She tells me she enjoys my company, and she acts/looks/seems like she does, yet when I call her she seems to be avoiding me--or the most forgetful girl I have ever met. Now, is it just me over analyzing this, or am I getting mixed messages and mixed signals? Is this a "normal" step that girls like to use during the game/"hunt" so to speak, although that really is a crude term...? Because, in my experience so far, I havent experienced anything like this.

Now, normally, I would care less, especially since we arent even dating...yet. BUT, I REALLY like this girl, and I want her to date me. So, I don't want to appear annoying/needy/desperate, whatever, but I still want to appear interested. Again, normally, I'd just let it happen as it comes, but I like this girl a lot and I don't want to f"*** my chances.

So, In conclusion, I am being given mixed messages, and it is confusing and irritating the hell outta me. Thank you, that is all.


Any comments, ideas, words of encouragement?

School absolutely sucks. Especially now. If she spent time writing a paper until 4 am, then chances are her life is really really busy right now and you should just chill. I know I had a breakdown just in this past week because I spent all my time doing school, and finally when I had a couple hours off to spend with friends, I went all moody.

It might not be you.

Yeah... I've been that girl. I've also been in your shoes.

She's not going to say "You know, I've changed my mind. I don't like you anymore"- which doesn't mean that's what she is thinking. I just want you to know what she says to your face about you isn't as important as how she acts. She seems pretty darn avoidant. You seem pretty eager. Not a good mix.

I think the whole part-of-the-chase concept is bogus. If I really like someone, there's no denying it.

You have a few options.
1) Let her come to you. Give her space and leave the ball in her court. You'll gain the benefit of feeling pursued (a good feeling) if she wants you, but risk holding your breath until the disappointment sets in if she doesn't.

2) Be very high school and send a friend (preferably a girl she doesn't know is your friend) to do some reconnaissance work for you. Something along the lines of "(insert your name here) is really cute. I'd like to ask him out, but I heard you two are kinda... you know. So, can I go for it?" You have to be sneaky (which she might not like to find out about), but you get the info quick.

3) The gentleman's way. "(insert her name here), I'd like to go out with you on a date, but I don't want to make you uncomfortable. How do you feel about us?" It's brave, it's direct. It leaves some room for her to weasel her way out of answering, but if she does, assume the worst. You might be dropped on your butt.

4) The middle ground: "(Insert her name here), I like hanging out with you, but if you don't want to, I'll understand." She'll probably say "what do you mean?" and then you can talk about her behavior and leave out how you feel about it. If she's defensive, she probably feels like she's been caught leading you on. If she's surprised, she probably had no idea she's confused you. Listen, and respect what she says.

It depends on how much you want to risk and how long you can wait.

Good luck.

From what you are describing, I think you are seriously obsessing. Stop and hear me out on this.

You guys first met on the basis of school. There wasn't any serious commitment on either side. You guys studied and you guys hung out. Even if you enjoy each others company, it doesn't constitute a relationship. I enjoy my dogs company and she enjoys belly rubs, but this isn't a serious relationship.

Now, when I call her, she never answers her phone. I know for a fact that girls like it when guys call them, so I don't know whats up.

As far as dating is concerned, there are never facts, just stereotypes.

We agreed that we were going to hang out later today, and that I should call her about 7. So, 7 oclock rolled around, I called her about 7 oclock. She doesnt pick up. I figure she's busy or something, and doesnt hear it ring or something. I wait about 45 minutes, and call again. No answer, I left a message, but still. Its seems to me, at least, I am getting mixed messages. She tells me she enjoys my company, and she acts/looks/seems like she does, yet when I call her she seems to be avoiding me--or the most forgetful girl I have ever met. Now, is it just me over analyzing this, or am I getting mixed messages and mixed signals?

You are getting mixed signals and you are over-analyzing.

Is this a "normal" step that girls like to use during the game/"hunt" so to speak, although that really is a crude term...? Because, in my experience so far, I havent experienced anything like this.

To my knowledge, I have never heard of any girl playing games with guys quite like this. I wouldn't consider a female who does this to be a good companion though.

Now, normally, I would care less, especially since we arent even dating...yet. BUT, I REALLY like this girl, and I want her to date me. So, I don't want to appear annoying/needy/desperate, whatever, but I still want to appear interested. Again, normally, I'd just let it happen as it comes, but I like this girl a lot and I don't want to f"*** my chances.

If you like someone, ask them out.

Any comments, ideas, words of encouragement?

Here is an analysis. It's only an opinion from someone who doesn't know the intimate details, so take it with a grain of salt.

Best Case Scenario: She could easily have been having dinner or some unforseen family engagement that she forgot about. She shows some partiality to you, so if you chose to advance your relationship (i.e. to dating) you can do so with some risk.

Middle Case Scenario: She could possibly think that she needs a break and she is ignoring you. This may be a short term thing, she may be more attentive soon. Perhaps she is going through a rough time and she feels it is best to take care of it in private, without involving you.

Worst Case Scenario: She is avoiding you because she thinks you are becoming too needy/needy/desperate. She doesn't have the heart to tell you that the relationship between you two is over, hence, the avoidance.

My Recommendation: You are getting mixed signals. You need better information before you even think about the future. I say wait a week and see where you two stand. There are many reasons why she couldn't be reached, ask her about it tomorrow when you go to school. If relations are improved in a week, go ahead and ask her out, if you're still not sure wait another week. If they go downhill, then start looking for alternatives.

I can't emphasize enough that I am handicapped by the fact I know neither party personally. It could be that there are other factors you haven't thought of; this advice is just my best guess.

Griffin, it's again hard to read your post with those key words: 'I think', 'consider', 'grain of salt', and 'my best guess'... *shakes head* Basically I disagree. I will only go that far as this is not a place to debate. Darn.

Ieatworms: I so go for #3... That's the damn well method, and has been the case since chivalry in the Middle Ages.

Well, about this whole situation. I would be like, "What is up girl?! I've been like trying to get ahold of you for like, ever." I usually distaste hidden messages, and would rather be told exactly what is happening instead of this beat around the bush. Botany ehh? Tell her that you have enough angiosperms in you backyard to solve your own evolutionary adaptations, meaning you and me, get together, you know, like naturally primitive like. Get her a daisy, bring it to class, and have her 'analyze' it's structure and properties. Start labeling the pistons, pedals... Then start plucking the pedals off, whispering "She loves me, she loves me not, she loves me, she loves me not." Taken into account that she is listening to you, AND that you pre-counted the pedals so that it ends with "she loves me", and look at her silently. She'll take the hint and fall head over heels for you. *winks*

Hey, I'm the Knight of Flowers for a reason...

~Z

ZZAP,
thats pretty funny. I think I might do the first part of your advice, but as for part two, well, I think I'll think of something more....me.

Also, Griffin, I know that hanging out doesn't constitute a relationship, nor did I say it did. In fact, I said it didn't. However, I would classify as currently as somewhere between acquaintances and freinds. And again, if someone tries to reach you to hang out, its just frustrating. I've since slept on this, and am feeling a little better about it, but it is still aggravating. I dunno, whatever.

That's pretty cool, ZZAP, but if she didn't like you, then it would just backfire and she would be all weirded out.

I tend to assume the best case scenario if I don't have enough information. Sure, I might worry that it's something worse, but I wouldn't let myself get paranoid or angry. You could just wait and keep seeing how she acts, or take pretty much any of Ieatworms's ideas, which are all quite good IMO. Not that I know anything about dating

Ooh I love to tease.....

Sophie wrote:Ooh I love to tease.....

NOT NICE.

Well, about this whole situation. I would be like, "What is up girl?! I've been like trying to get ahold of you for like, ever." I usually distaste hidden messages, and would rather be told exactly what is happening instead of this beat around the bush. Botany ehh? Tell her that you have enough angiosperms in you backyard to solve your own evolutionary adaptations, meaning you and me, get together, you know, like naturally primitive like. Get her a daisy, bring it to class, and have her 'analyze' it's structure and properties. Start labeling the pistons, pedals... Then start plucking the pedals off, whispering "She loves me, she loves me not, she loves me, she loves me not." Taken into account that she is listening to you, AND that you pre-counted the pedals so that it ends with "she loves me", and look at her silently. She'll take the hint and fall head over heels for you. *winks*

Hey, I'm the Knight of Flowers for a reason...

I can't really help, other than to say if some guy did that to me I'd either START avoiding him on the grounds of him being way too weird, or I may just punch him. Depends really, but other than that, no real advice. She may just be really confused.

Yeah... that'd weird me out. I much prefer anything spontaneous. I hate when people count on me reacting a certain way.

I think the best advice I've heard so far is to give it time.

Remember: Anxiety is excitement minus breath. Breathe, buddy.

Teasing: not nice, but very fun!!!
From experience, I'd say that actually, having a guy call you a lot (may have got wrong end of stick, but sounds right, no?), I find, just puts you off them. I mean, with me for example: I liked this guy for aaaaages. And I mean aaaaaaaaaaages. Then one day he turned around and told me he liked me and started coming on all strong and "let's get together-y" and I went right off him. Unexplainable. He was still as cute etc as ever, but now I knew that he actually was interested, there was just less of an attraction.
So maybe this girls kinda the same. I'd just cool it for a while and try to stay friends for now and she might come round.
Good luck chickypea!!
x x x

Just one comment:
I feel bad for the girl now. How would you feel if people you didn't know were talking about you to a guy you might/might not like... lol.

Scared lol. At least it's not to people she knows! Believe me, that's much worse!!!
Poor bloke just needs a bit of direction.

Heh, thats the "hard to get" game.