Young Writers Society

I was bored so I looked around the net and found these really funny stupid crimes xD

1.
A pair of Michigan robbers entered a record shop nervously waving revolvers. The first one shouted, "Nobody move!" When his partner moved, the startled first bandit shot him.

2.
An unidentified man in Buenos Aires pushed his wife out of an eighth-floor window but his plan to kill her failed when she became entangled in some power cables below. Seeing she was still alive, the man jumped and tried to land on top of her. He missed...

3.
Ann Arbor: The Ann Arbor News crime column reported that a man walked into a Burger King in Ypsilanti, Michigan at 7:50am, flashed a gun and demanded cash. The clerk turned him down because he said he couldn't open the cash register without a food order. When the man ordered onion rings, the clerk said they weren't available for breakfast. The man, frustrated, walked away.

4.
Baggy clothes may save your life: a 13-year-old boy in Belgrade, Yugoslavia fell 130 feet from his hi-rise apartment and survived with only minor injuries. Witnesses said Daniel Gurgus' baggy sweater caught tree branches on the way down... remember, kids, just say no to Spandex...

5.
Indiana: A man walked up to a cashier at a grocery store and demanded all the money in the register. When the cashier handed him the loot, he fled--leaving his wallet on the counter.

6.
South Carolina: A man walked into a local police station, dropped a bag of cocaine on the counter, informed the desk sergeant that it was substandard cut, and asked that the person who sold it to him be arrested immediately.

7.
The best-laid plans of a Canadian couple in a suicide pact went awry because the weapon they used nearly as old as they are. Harold Pinna, 89, and his 92-year-old wife decided to end it all with a .22 caliber pistol that hadn't been fired in 60 years. Mr. Pinna shot his wife in the head, but the rusty bullet ricocheted off a hair curler, and she suffered only a mild scalp laceration. He then put the gun to his right ear and fired again. The shot was so weak that the bullet lodged in his ear. The dazed couple then gave themselves up to the police... it was either that or throw themselves out the first floor window...

8.
Times of London: A thief who sneaked into a hospital was scarred for life when he tried to get a suntan. After evading security staff at Odstock Hospital in Salisbury, Wiltshire, and helping himself to doctor's paging devices, the thief spotted a vertical sunbed. He walked into the unit and removed his clothes for a 45-minute tan. However, the high-voltage UV machine at the hospital, which is renowned for its treatment of burns victims, has a maximum dosage of 10 seconds. After lying on the bed for almost 300 times the recommended maximum time, the man was covered in blisters. Hours later, when the pain of the burns became unbearable, he went to Southampton General Hospital, 20 miles away, in Hampshire. Staff became suspicious because he was wearing a doctor's coat. After tending his wounds they called the police. Southampton police said: "This man broke into Odstock and decided he fancied a quick suntan. Doctors say he is going to be scarred for life.

9.
When James Nagel tried to abduct a Los Angeles woman, someone tipped off police. Nagel led officers on a "low speed chase" for 30 minutes, then tried to get away on foot. He shot at police several times, but missed. Nagel then climbed a utility pole and threatened to kill himself. Police tried to talk him down, then shot him with ten rounds of plastic bullets. Nagel finally surrendered after being sprayed for five minutes with a high-powered water hose, but not before accidentally shooting himself in the forehead...

10.
A man went into a drug store, pulled a gun, announced a robbery, and pulled a Hefty-bag face mask over his head--and realized that he'd forgotten to cut eyeholes in the mask.

11.
A man walked in to a Kwik Shop, and asked for all the money in the cash drawer. Apparently, the take was too small, so he tied up the store clerk and worked the counter himself for three hours until police showed up and grabbed him.

12.
A young teller was new to the job when she was approached by her first robber. Noticing that the man's grammar was not the greatest, the teller figured that the would be criminal was slightly slow. She told the robber that he had to have an account to rob a bank. Disappointed, the man left.

A man walks into a gun store in south carolina, and says" gimme all- " and was shot 18 times before he could finish his command. There were three, off dubty officers in the store, all armed.

A man in texas tried to rob a mcdonalds, but the 90 year old woman behind him shot him in the head with a 45 magnum she kept in her purse.

Isnt the south great?

I started a thread like this a long time ago. It died pretty quick.

THE WORLD'S DUMBEST BANK ROBBERY!

In England, two guys went to a strip mall to rob a bank. They went in and said "Freeze! This is a bank roobery!" The old lady said "No it's not. This is a Singer Sewing Center robbery. If you went two doors down, then that would be a bank robbery." So the two men go to the bank and say "Freeze! This is a bank robbery! Put all your money in the bag!" He then realized they had no bag. "Didn't you bring the bag?" "I thought you had the bag." So he says to the teller "Do you have a bag?" The teller makes a big show of putting money in the bag, mostly singles. They take it and get in the car when the man realizes he forgot his gun. He runs back in and gets it, not noticing the teller was calling the police.

In Canada, two college students were jealous of a classmate from Hong Kong. His family was very rich and gave him everything he wanted. So they decide to kidnap him when he's back home on spring break. They fly to Hong Kong, find him, take him to the airport, and go back to Edmonton. Once in the hotel room, they have him make the ransom call to his own mother. He told him that two men were holding him for a ransom of $15,000. He also told her their names, where he was, and that she should immediately call the police. The kidnappers didn't know this last bit because he was speaking in Cantonese. They didn't understand a word until the mouties showed up and said "Freeze!"

In Bolivia, a notorious thief frequently stole from many jewelry stores by just running in, taking everything he could, and running out. He gave the jewelry to his lady friends, but they eventually tired of it. (Get tired of jewelry?!?!?!?!?!?) They would rather have expensive shoes. So he goes to an expensive shoe place and steals all the shoes in the window display. He stopped to check out his loot when he saw his error: All the shoes were for the left foot.

In London, two teenagers had a pretty good scheme going on in a parking lot: One would go into cars and steal all the expensive stuff he could find, and the other would drive around until they met up and sped away. The police couldn't catch them, so they staked out the place. They were driving around slowly when someone jumped into the truck and yelled "Hit it! Go!" Apparently the stealer had forgotten his glasses.

Haha. I heard a story kind of like that last one. Apparently some guy was going streaking in a parking lot, and his buddy was waiting in a car so they could take off. Well, the guy got in the car- still naked- and told the driver to hit the gas. Except there was no driver, just a young woman. Then her boyfriend showed up...

My mum was working in a shop down the road from us a few years ago. One day it was just her and another woman and this guy come in and held them at gun point shouting give me all your money. My mum...being the intelligent person looked at the gun and the woman trying not to laugh. It then clicked with the woman she was working with that the gun was plastic. She told the erm...robber to basically shove off because it was plastic and he did...muppet...

So kids when trying to hold up your local shop don't use the super soaker or plastic dart gun. Use the shotgun in your daddy's top drawer, or the samurai sword under your brother's bed. Both get the job done XD

In nebraska hanibus grows naturally (weed/pot, whatever you want to call it... we call it ditch weed) Unfortunately for those stoners around here, the ditchweed doesn't have any THC (tetrahydrachlorine, the stuff that gets you high) in it. Its a real hassle to deal with, because it grows like weeds, and in days can overtake an entire lawn, so normally people just pull it out and throw it in the fireplace, as they are instructed to do. A friend of mine has a brother, who has a friend who is a moron. They had recently pulled a rather large stock of this that grew rather expediently after a heavy dosage of fertilizer went down on the lawn. This kid notices the weed stock sitting on their counter, as they had not yet burned it, cuts it up, rolls it up, and tries to smoke it. Seconds later, his face is bright red, and it looks like he's choking.

He failed to realize that 1) this weed wont get you high, and 2) that the fertilizer covering the weed wont get you high either, but a quick trip to the emergency room, and attempted posession of an illegal narcotic charges.