Young Writers Society

Jesus, jesus, hes so nice.

He wasn't mearly sacrificed.

He was whiped and beaten too.

For the sins of me and you.

Jesus, jesus, hes so nice.

I think he might have had headlice.

Cause streets were dirty in those days.

And washing was against the people's ways.

Jesus, jesus, hes so great.

He makes me want to masturbate.

LOL that's funny

I'm opening a public bid with the pope to get it ranked as an official hymn, or maybe put in Paslms.

The gideons would be prouds :~)

0/10. Badly written and insulting. Your grammar is way off and the title is misspelled, as other things in this.

haha. That's awesome. When I started reading it I thought that it was going to be one of those jesus freaks poems.

This is appalling.

Punctuation is bad, and the content matter...how could you write this, Shadow120?

How could you? It's dreadful and blasphemous. Take it off, delete it, and never, ever attempt anything like this again.

Got it?

Good.

-ShadowTwit

1) Fix yeh spelling and grammar,
2) Give this a rating thing (PG?),
3) This isn't poetry.

However, I disagree with comments that it should be removed because it's 'blasphemous' or whatever, cos that's called censorship.


Royboy: Don't be insulting towards other people.

Ahum, this should be Rated R, that's all I have to say

Cheerios, Chandni

The spelling and punctuation is extremely poor, and I doubt this sort of crude rhyming even counts as poetry.

Not to mention the insulting message...

Chadni: Well, not really, cos apart from the whole 'blasphemous' thing, the only problem is the word masturbate, which doesn't deserve an R rating.

Time for a full critique:

"Jesus, jesus, hes so nice." - capital J for "jesus". "He's".

"He wasn't mearly sacraviced." - "merely", "sacrificed". End with a comma, not a full-stop.

"He was whiped and beaten too." - "whipped". No full-stop needed.

"Jesus, jesus, hes so nice." - capital J for "jesus". "He's".

"I think he might have had headlice." - completely irrelevant. It's just not funny. At all. No full-stop needed.

"Cause streets were dirty in those days" - "'Cause". Apostrophe missing. No full-stop needed.

"Jesus, jesus, hes so great." - capital J for "jesus". "He's".

"He makes me want to masturbate." - That's disgusting. Again, it's not funny. At all.

This is a failed attempt at a disrespectful, humorous cheerleader chant. It is not funny, well written or even remotely poetic. Next time, try to write something properly, spend time thinking over your grammar, spelling and punctuation. Make an effort.


Gurby

Well, atleast a PG-13

This was painful to read. It was appalling, and offensive. And I'm Jewish.

I won't comment further, as I cannot possibly think of anything positive about this piece.

Haha to all the people who thought I actually tried to make this seem like a real poem.

Extra haha @ the picky picky grammer and spelling fairies

x

Then don't post it in the literary forums. This section is for ACTUAL writing. And since you admitedly did not want this to be a real poem...*moved to randomness*