Young Writers Society

Something about my mother. I'm just looking to fix it up because I personally think its sort of sloppy and choppy and blobby and just all around blah. I usually write poems... but non-fiction is also a passion. I'm just not too great at it haha

I love you. Really, mom, I do. I know you know that my smile I paint upon my lips from day to day is faker than Nikki Minaj’s ba-donk*, but you make me happy. I promise you. I pinky promise you. Cross my heart and hope to die. Stick a needle in my eye. Who ever came up with those ridiculous children’s rhymes anyway? Just how “Ring around the Rosies” is about the Black Death and people burning and dying and being swallowed by the poisonous infections of the most gruesome plague. Got a bit off topic there, didn’t I?
You know I’m riddled with Attention Defisite Disorder*. Shown by my tremendous inability to even spell ‘defisite’. No, critics, I refuse to check that on my Microsoft word dictionary. Spelling errors add character to people’s writing, don’t you think? So maybe I’m not the brightest when it comes to chemistry, yet somehow I’m in Algebra 2 with Trigonometry, the advanced class. Explain that?
“How can someone have anxiety about homework?” You spat out at me one evening. I know you know I’ve got issues, but what you don’t know, is that you’re pretty messed up too. You see, dearest mother, you know that feeling when you think you’ve failed someone or at something? Or that horrible wrenching in the pit of your stomach, when you just… don’t know the answer? Well for me, I strive for perfection. Why? Simply because that is what you taught me to do.
“Crying is for those who are pathetic and weak, the people who can’t handle the real world.” I do believe, mother, my world became very real when I was young. When you and father were always arguing, but no one ever won. Not til I was about 6 that is, when the problem could no longer be dismissed. A problem that had to be fixed, with one small catch. My father was to be cut out of our family portrait.
I love you. Really, mom, I do. But sometimes it hurts my heart that I have to wonder… do you really love me too?

*Ba-donk means rear end. Ya know, the back side of a lady xD
*if you did not understand what I was talking about, it's actually spelled deficit, you can look it up on google.

Hey there SwallowedByInsanity!

A piece of advice

I've found that words are actually a lot stronger than sticks or stones in my experience. If this is something that you intend to show to your mother then I'd advise you to read through it really, really carefully and try and imagine how she'd react to it. Everything we read is written in ink, because there's no way anyone can un-read something that hurt them. Keep that in mind and be careful with how you use those words of yours.

Love

It's a complicated thing that I don't think I'll ever fully understand. Love has a lot of power and the fact that you begin with this idea says it all, really. I think you could also make it even stronger and more important by bringing it back at the end. You know all those techniques that work in poetry, prose and song lyrics? Well they all work in non-fiction, though they're a little harder to spot.

Pointing

Be aware that challenges personal challenges and direct questions, whilst "effective" in one way, are not always the best way to draw attention to something.

Explain that?

I've got issues, but what you don't know, is that you're pretty messed up too.

The first one isn't needed because the way you've described yourself actually invites the reader to think "Why's that?" without you having to point it out. You might even find it's more effective if you don't tell someone what they should be thinking -- readers tend to resist that.

Also actually telling someone that they're "messed up", even though you may feel it, has never gone well in my experience. Have you ever seen an argument where someone resorted to personal insults and still properly won the argument? Also you're not arguing to "win" here -- you're arguing to express a feeling so perhaps you can find a way to say this without being quite so blunt.

Overall

You're writing well, SwallowedByInsanity. I do have a tip that might help you give your words a more "natural" edge to them, though -- when you're writing, or after if you prefer, read the sentences you write aloud.

When you read things aloud your brain processes the words differently and that lets you "hear" mistakes or awkward sentences that you wouldn't normally notice. Give it a try -- you might be surprised with how well it works!

Take care, SwallowedByInsanity. I hope you keep doing well in school and that you keep using words to express yourself -- it's nice to see someone who can write about something so personal. Keep up the good work.


Charlie