Love
From A Skeptic’s Viewpoint
From A Skeptic’s Viewpoint
In starting this whole essay blog section of the website, I chose to write on something that I hold quite highly. Love. Now I’m not the kind of person who is highly regarded for loving. In fact, an overwhelming majority of the people I know tend to tell me often that I do nothing but hate. I don’t hate everything, and in any case, that topic is to be covered at a later date. As for love, I have a whole website dedicated to it (you can find the hidden link somewhere on my website). My journal, as much as I try not to, is filled with statements of love. Whether or not they are truly real is another story. Still love is, in my opinion, the single most important thing in life. I’m not really a spiritual person, and I don’t much believe in an afterlife, so my views on love are probably a little different than most. With that said, I want others to see love in the same light that I see it, and I want people to realize what true love really is.
Love plays a major part in life. It brings new people into the world, it creates memories that stay a lifetime, it triggers emotions that no one can explain. And that there, that last reason, is the biggest problem with love. Far too many people believe that love is a feeling, and that just isn’t true. Before I get started let me say this; I do believe that love is partially a feeling. Feeling definitely plays a piece to love’s great puzzle, but it is a very small piece of the puzzle. It is, however, a corner piece. Feeling is the piece of love that so many people - perhaps rightfully so - use to piece together the rest of the puzzle. The thing is though, It is always easier to get the puzzle going if you have the other corner pieces, and for the purpose of this example, there are 3 other corner pieces to the puzzle. The last time I checked, 3/4 is more important than 1/4, and that is without taking into account the size of the pieces. I’m going to try to explain and show the corner pieces, it is up to you to fill in the center.
Intent. So much of love has to do with the intent that the lover has. One can’t truly be in love if they are in love for the wrong intentions: Personal gain, sex, and companionship to name a few. One can’t truly be in love if they are there for the wrong intentions. I’m not going to try and pretend to know what the right intentions are, but intentions like those listed above, are -hopefully- clearly wrong. Love is give and take, acceptance and compromise. It is mutual. It can’t be about one single person in a relationship, it has to be about both, and this I feel is possibly, one of the biggest mistakes people make. People either dedicate all of their time to the other person and chalk that up to equal love, or they are so selfish that they don’t care at all for the other person. In truth, one can’t truly be in love if they are dedicating all of their time to one person in the relationship, and that needs to be learned. With all that said, intent is an interesting part of love. To continue with the analogy, intent is like that piece of sky that doesn’t really help, but you must have it in order to finish the puzzle.
Change. Love has the power to change families, population, habits, morals, and perhaps most unfortunately, personalities. Do you see where this one is heading? I guess we will see. There can be changes that are good and there can be changes that are bad. Just try to stick with the good ones and most importantly, one mustn’t change who they are in order to gain the love and affection of another person. That isn’t love, that is a fake love. I know this same idea has been stated a million times but if one would just ask why it is presented so frequently…. It is a corner piece! Personality changes throughout life. It is built mainly in the early to teen years of life, but it is constantly changing. I will not dispute that fact. I know that personalities change. Likes, dislikes, passions, they all change throughout the grand journey of life, but the trick is quite ironically, to have these changes come about for the right reasons. To gain affection is not a good reason. If after years (and I do mean years) spent with someone leads to a few LITTLE changes, that isn’t bad. It can actually be one of the greatest testaments of love. But large, drastic changes in anything, is never good, especially when combined with love. Remember when I said love was the most important thing in life? Well it’s true. One of the philosophies I believe and follow in life comes from a line said by Dr. Gregory House of the T.V. show House M.D.. He states often that “People don’t change.” This too, is true. Before anyone gets confused and asks “What the heck is the point of this then?”, at least let me explain. When House and I say that people don’t change, what we mean is that any change -mostly the big ones- don’t truly ever end up being changes. For instance, once an alcoholic, always an alcoholic. Just because the alcoholic doesn’t drink for forty years leading up to the end of their life, doesn’t mean they changed. It simply means they didn’t have enough time to fall back into their natural self. So, what I am trying to convey, is that the big changes that are made, in most instances, won’t remain changed. Before long one will fall back to their natural self and suddenly the loving relationship between the two becomes a lie and as such, fake. Thus, change leads to broken hearts. Broken hearts lead to depression, fear, withdrawal from the world, sometimes death, and often change again… Restarting the whole cycle. I wish it weren’t so, but it is. Frankly, I wish to see none of these consequences happen but with change -the big ones- they will. So make sure that the change that happens in love is for the right reasons, small, and that it is something that has had time to grow. No sudden changes.
Now we get to the corner piece that everyone recognizes. Feelings. I already said I’m not against feelings. I’m only against the way the world portrays feelings in relation to love. The world seems to think that love is all about this feeling. Too many people believe in love at first sight and, while I suppose in some opportune moments, love can occur at first sight, it is actually very, very rare. Personally, I think love means more when it has time to grow and fester. Still, I will certainly accept that feeling can be an instrumental part to love growing and festering. Sometimes that feeling one gets when they see some one can lead to the beginning of a relationship, and while it wasn’t love at first sight, over time it grows into love or friendship. That indescribable feeling can lead to so much good, but there is a problem. It is indescribable. As such, it’s meaning can’t really be known. One has no idea what that feeling is, but they choose to take action on it anyway because it seems to feel good, maybe even right. If it feels right, than go for it I guess, what can it hurt, right? (Remember not to change when acting on it….) But if it feels good, let me ask, what else in this world feels good? There are a lot of things that feel good but quite simply, and plainly, are not good. Basically, what it all comes down to, is feelings are so irrational that they can’t, and shouldn’t be trusted. I would almost say that they shouldn’t even be acted upon. As far as love pertains, I will say that. Let love happen. While I don’t believe that things happen for a reason, I do believe that one will make the thing that is best for them happen in the long run. It isn’t through some supreme power, it isn’t through magic. It is through the mind, through a never ending struggle between what is presented and what is needed. Live life in the moment, don’t let things slip. Make every moment count and I can promise that in the long run, your puzzle will be your greatest accomplishment.
The last corner of the puzzle, the largest corner, relates to the actions of love. The biggest and best definition of love, is through actions. To truly be in love is to fulfill the actions that mean love. Mostly the little things. When they come home from work and are tired, help them out and make their night easy, simple, and peaceful. Love is about compromising when a fight occurs and then growing up and allowing the fight not to define the relationship. It is sharing your popcorn at the movies. Going on drives with each other where both may simply listen to the other talk about their life and take an interest in what the other has to say. It is telling them they look great even if they look terrible. Maybe writing letters or poems each morning that they can wake up to, read, and start the day with a smile knowing someone cares. Going out to have some fun with each other, doing things that share the interests of both of you. It is making a few sacrifices here and there. Perhaps most importantly, one MUST never forget that it never hurts to say “I love you.” Let them know, and don’t let them go to sleep at night, or leave the house at day without that thought rolling in their mind. The thought that they are loved. Truly. Deeply. Passionately. And rightfully. Loved. Because after all, the most important thing in life… Is love.
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