Spoiler! :
When watching TV, I’ve always turned the channels to those that interest me most: movies, series, cartoons, music videos, etc. Talking about movies categories, I’ll always say fiction, fantasy and action. I’ve always found television and other gadgets as a means to get away from all the horrors gnawing me in life. However, after the releasing of my AS level results, came a heart-pounding message: Life is not as easy as it seems.
Since I was a little girl, I’ve always been the one who was shoved to the back of the list on ‘Most Talented’, and I still am. Making my parents proud wasn’t, isn’t and I’m sure, never will be my field of accomplishment. I sometimes feel sick and tired of seeing my friends take on the road with courage and determination, A* diploma’s in their clutches, on the way to glory, when…I’m left behind. Always behind. Behind in their shadows. It sometimes becomes hard for me to smile and laugh with all those ‘talented’ people, also known as, my friends; because at home, it’s them I’m compared to. It’s as though the words ‘me, myself and I’ don’t exist. I’ve got no value. I’ve got no strength. I’m a nobody.
In the world we live in today (academic wise), it’s very competitive and hard to hold a firm grip, unless you have an all A* certificate and a Newton-like brain on the side, to become the person of your dreams. But what is this dream of mine, I ask myself? Is it being ambitious like them? Does it mean I’ve got to foster hatred for the better girl and crush her down when I’ve above her? Do I have to make friends, just for my own purpose? Be selfish and cold? Those words gleam with rage when I’m down in the dumps again…for the one thousandth time.
Sure, I can be cold, rude and selfish if I want to. I can be higher than those ‘perfect’ beings in my school, if I wanted to. But does all this have value? In the end of the day I’d have all the recognition I dreamt of but…I’d lack true love. The love of my peers. And that I truly treasure above everything else. My parents will love me till I die but, to make real friends is a very laborious process. From my whole life (so far…), the one thing I’ve found out from being imperfect is…it makes other people happy. I might be looked down at for now but, it’s the afterlife I desire. The life after death, the life which lasts longer than this short journey. The short journey, known as life, that we’re so hopped-up in perfecting, when in reality, our faith is what holds us up higher than most.
I’ve learned that being selfish, fostering hatred, being consumed and gulped down by this life will only bring happiness for a short moment. However, that short moment will be outlived by the burning hell. Because, whatever we do for this life, for this world (those done for selfish reasons), will fire back. So, let’s just step back from life and reset our goals for a higher purpose. Let us all know that we aren’t perfect and never will be. Our flaws compliment us and make us who we are. Our flaws bring us closer to family and friends and help us grow stronger. Just the way I’ve found out paths to happiness with my flaws. We’ve all got strengths which make us shine and aims that act as guidance. We’ve all got reasons for that heart of ours to beat. My reason is to make the one’s I love smile and feel proud. I know I haven’t accomplished that just yet but…I’m still working towards it and yeah…I leave the rest to my Lord. Ameen.
I might be a nobody to the world, but to myself…I’m better than anyone else! From this day on I know I’ll smile ear-to-ear because, I’ve got nothing to fear…
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