Young Writers Society

dear diary,
i've forgotten what it feels like to be warm. not in the emotional sense, as people usually write about, but in reality. after a sixteen kilometre hike (12k of which was uphill) in torrential rain and ferocious wind, we arrived at the campsite, a soggy field full of animal shit. it's about as homely and as welcoming as it gets out here.
pitched the tent, unpacked, took refuge in my sleeping bag, buried like a mole. value food over warmth, but the mini stove wouldn't light, so surviving on a diet of soggy chicken sandwiches and chocolate brownie. now is not the time to be craving sweetcorn.
the walk home tomorrow will be slightly shorter, and our bags (mine weighs about a third of my body weight) would have been slightly lighter if everything hadn't got soaked by the rain. oh well, we're going back to the world where people brush their teeth and use more comfortable modes of transport than their own aching legs and wear their misery like a necklace although all of it is emotional and at least they are warm and dry.
earlier, i injured my ankle, and complained most of the way here. i wouldn't be surprised if no one wanted to talk to me again, nobody likes a complainer. several people had offered to share out the weight of my bag, but i would carry my own stuff, even if i had to crawl the rest of the way. really.
four people got very lost and arrived a few hours later than us, and we were pretty late. the squeakiest, blondest and most pathetic of us all was among them. i secretly thought that a few hours lost and exposed to the elements was definitely what she needed, but decided not to share that thought.
my feet have gone nicely numb with the cold so i can no longer feel the ache.
thank buddha for small mercies.

Okay.

So, first I would like to say that this actually made me laugh a bit. I think it's pretty workable.

Now, that said, your main problem is grammar. Or, not grammar so much, but capitalization - there is none. Which you can get away with if you're e.e.cummings (I mean, no one even capitalizes his name anymore, because it's just weird to do it), but you're not, since I'm pretty sure he's dead, and also you're apparently fifteen and a girl (of which he is neither). So first let me fix that for you:

Dear diary,

I've forgotten what it feels like to be warm. Not in the emotional sense, as people usually write about, but in reality. After a sixteen kilometre hike (12k of which was uphill) in torrential rain and ferocious wind, we arrived at the campsite, a soggy field full of animal shit. It's about as homely and as welcoming as it gets out here.
Pitched the tent, unpacked, took refuge in my sleeping bag, buried like a mole. Value food over warmth, but the mini stove wouldn't light, so surviving on a diet of soggy chicken sandwiches and chocolate brownie. Now is not the time to be craving sweetcorn.

The walk home tomorrow will be slightly shorter, and our bags (mine weighs about a third of my body weight) would have been slightly lighter if everything hadn't got soaked by the rain. Oh well. Tomorrow ["this weekend," whatever time frame you want this to be, I just think there ought to be one]we're going back to the world civilization [you ARE in the world, after all, you're just out in the wilderness world] where people brush their teeth, and use more comfortable modes of transport than their own aching legs, and wear their misery like a necklace (although all of it is emotional miseryand at least they are warm and dry).

Earlier, I injured my ankle, and complained most of the way here. I wouldn't be surprised if no one wanted to talk to me again, nobody likes a complainer. Several people had offered to share out the weight of my bag, but I would was determined to carry my own stuff, even if I had to crawl the rest of the way. Really.

Four people got very lost and arrived a few hours later than us, and we were pretty late. The squeakiest, blondest, and most pathetic of us all was among them. I secretly thought that a few hours lost and exposed to the elements was definitely what she needed but decided not to share that thought.

My feet have gone nicely numb with the cold so i can no longer feel the ache.

Thank Buddha for small mercies.

Okay, here are some things I really liked:

I liked how you started, saying that the narrator has "forgotten what it's like to feel warm," but not in an emotional way. That first line makes you think it's going to be some cliched thing about a lost love, but no - it's actually about a miserable camping trip, and that's funny. I also like the reference back to it later, when you say that people back in civilation "wear their misery like a necklace although all of it is emotional and at least they are warm and dry." It also feels like you're making fun of the cliched "cold" emotional feeling and all the people who write about it, and that makes me laugh. Plus I liked the bit about the blonde person, and how spending a few hours lost in the woods was probably good for her.

Along with showing you where you need to capitalize, I also reworded some spots that felt awkward, so try those out and see how you feel about them. I also think it might be nice at the end if, after the last line, you add a "love, Whoever" or something. I mean, I realize it's just a diary entry, but if you're starting off with "dear diary," then I feel it needs a similar kind of closure. However, I do like the "Thank Buddha" largely because it's not exactly "Thank God." I mean, possibly you're a Buddhist, in which case of course you'd say "Thank Buddha," but it just makes me think of this time in German class: Someone was like, "JESUS!" and the girl behind me said, "Buddha and Tom Cruise!" instead because, in her words, "Everyone picks on Jesus." So, to the normal American, who would generally say "Thank God," "Thank Buddha" is kind of a comic thing, although if you're actually a Buddhist then you probably didn't mean it that way.

Anyways, I hope this helped. Let me know if you have any questions!

~Blue

hey, thanks for the comments and advice i'll sort out the awkward wording in places, and i do generally say Thank Buddha, instead of Thank God :L
i dont usually use any capitals in diary entries, which is just some weird personal thing <3 x

thanks for the comments and advice much appreciated
yeah, i do normally say thank buddha instead of thank god, and dont usually use capitals in diary writing for some reason :L
will work on all of your points
xx